Life Updates

I know I've needed to do a post about our Utah trip and a gluten free update, so I figured I would combine them all in a general "life" update.  Hope that works.  Sorry... it's long.

Our Utah trip was ok.  Maybe I should be more enthusiastic about it considering I used up all my PTO for this trip, but it was just a really busy trip with lots of driving.  And we only got to catch friends and family for a moment here and there.  I look forward to the day when we live much closer and can spend real time together!

Dustin rocking my shades since he forgot to bring his

We drove from Portland to Boise, then Boise to Salem, then Salem to St. George.  Once in St. George we stayed for a full 48 hours before driving back up to Salem.  By this point I was DONE with driving and ready for teleportation to be invented NOW (or yesterday).

 While in St. George Dustin visited with lots of docs and spent a whole day with one that we really like.  We also got to visit with my cousin Amber and Joe, high school friend Spencer and Stacie (and baby Isabelle), and Dustin's cousin Emily and Landon.  And we got to eat at Dickey's. Holy gluten free BBQ goodness.  Once upon a time there was a Dickey's here in Gresham but then it closed.  And then we were sad.

Back in Salem Dustin visited with more docs while we tried to fit in visits with the Creers, the Jacks, and high school/college friends Scott and Tiffany, Lindsey, and Lauren.  We also got to remember the joys of Chuck-a-Rama taking my grandparents out to lunch as a thank you for doing our taxes.  They pretty much are the best. :)  And oh yeah! We finally got to meet Kinsey, Kendra and Adam's baby!

 When we were at church in Salem at my home ward, we got to check out the missionary board and it was full of missionaries! 18 just from my home ward! So proud that my sister Ginelle is one of them right now!

The weather in St. George was BEAUTIFUL but Utah county had another idea of April fools-snow!  Yuck yuck.  Certainly do not miss that part about Utah!

No wonder we want to move here.. beautiful blue skies!

Some of the doctor visits were frustrating while others were very enlightening.  We would still like to join a doctor as an associate (we're hoping for our favorite St. George doc!) but if that doesn't work out, we are seriously contemplating starting our own practice.  Which is scary.  But could be awesome.  Hopefully we'll have a real decision as to which direction we will be going in the next few months so that 12th quarter we can really get plans worked out.
We were able to catch Conference on the way home by listening to it on KSL.  Between family visits here or our visits to Utah, we keep missing conference! I am definitely looking forward to next month's Ensign to catch up on the talks that we missed.  And to next Conference session when we will be DONE with school!

Life back in Portland is still as busy as ever.  Dustin has a similar schedule to last quarter but with a little more flexibility. He loves being able to spend time in the clinic and work with real patients.  Dustin loves chiropractics and dreams about it frequently. One time I woke up in the middle of the night because he had grabbed my foot. I asked what he was doing and he told me he was just going to try an ankle flow.  I told him "no you're not" and that was it. In the morning, he didn't even know that had happened.  He is sleep adjusting! I'm glad he loves this career path so much and that this was a good decision for him.  Graduation ceremony will be coming up the end of June but he won't be done til mid September.  That's only 4 months away!  One of his teachers this quarter talked about the importance of going on a family vacation when school is done.  He is my new favorite teacher. :)  Not sure how we'll be able to fit a trip in, but hopefully we can plan something cool sometime within a year of graduation.
My work is still busy busy.  Working in accounting I really can't tell you much about my job, but I can say that this month I will have the highest number of invoices entered in the history of this company EVER. And this record breaking month is from the new record I made in December. Good thing I'm a rock star so I can keep up with this workload, eh?  I talked to my boss about our upcoming plans for the fall and gave her a tentative last day of September 5th.  Who gives a 4 months notice like that?! I know, I'm crazy. But they can take a while to hire someone new and I want a month (at least) to train.  I told her I want to stay until then so they can't get rid of me sooner even if they find my replacement.  She agrees. She really loves me doesn't want us to leave. I love that she looks for job openings for us here so we can stay.
I've also been trying to think about what I want to do after Dustin's graduation.  Our entire marriage has been getting Dustin through school.  If we start our own practice I will definitely be a big part of running the office. If he joins as an associate then I have a lot of freedom as to what I can do.  I don't know if I want to stay in accounting forever... right now a part time job at a fabric store sounds super ideal besides the fact that it would be a retail job and a retail job sounds awful.  We'll see how things end up.

I often get asked how I'm feeling now that I'm gluten free.  It's been over a month now (about 6 weeks) and I feel just fine.  Remember that I wasn't having major digestive problems, so it's kinda hard to say exactly if there are any changes. I feel like the other symptoms I talked about earlier have decreased a little. I don't get anxiety as much, but it comes and goes. Some days are good, some days are bad.  Same with my energy level, I feel like that has gone up, but some days I'm drained (like this week's #manlessmonday where I came home from work and took a two hour nap instead of doing something productive- or anything at all really), and others I'm ready to conquer the world (like today is a good productive day).  Eating gluten free has been a pretty easy transition. The only time I've REALLY wanted to eat something with gluten was when we had lunch at Panera and they brought around FREE fresh baked baguette loaves.  Oh my, the heavenly smell of fresh baked bread! But I was strong and we gave the loaf away. I've found some really delicious recipes and enjoy what I eat.
In case you were wondering, eating gluten free does NOT mean eating Paleo or clean or healthy.  There are so many delicious gluten free things out there that are super unhealthy (cupcakes, fries, chips, etc).  Another question I get is if Dustin is gluten free as well, which he is not. When we eat food I cook (which is becoming more and more common, wahoo!) then he does, but if we're eating out, he gets regular food. And that's fine, I don't feel like he's not supportive (he's very supportive) or making me feel bad. I like what I eat. There's a lot of great GF options.
We are trying to move toward a more "clean eating" lifestyle in addition to gluten free and I am excited for those changes.  We're planning on eating less sugar, more veggies.  Less processed, more whole foods.  It will be a good switch.
For all those wondering how Portland vs. Utah with gluten free options compares, Utah has a lot of great things going for them in the Gluten free field.  Number one is probably New Grains.  We picked up some New Grains products sold at Macey's and I am in love.  The English muffins, pizza dough mix, and crepe mix are all amazing.  The texture is amazing, the taste is amazing. All around delicious! Sweet Tooth Fairie's GF cupcakes were not magical but her sugar cookies are! Costa Vida is basically all GF and were very accommodating to even avoid cross contamination (something I don't worry about a LOT, but do a little).  Utah has In'N'Out.  Utah has Dickey's.  As much as Portland is "forward thinking" in their dietary needs service, Utah has a lot of good things going on and I feel like they're pretty equal. Though if it came to straight up gluten free bakeries, Portland would win.  Which is maybe why I should start my own gluten free bakery in Utah. ;)

So that's life for us in a nut shell. Still busy, still GF, and still hanging in there through the good times and the bad.

What's the plan Phil?

2014 is well underway and we are almost able to start officially counting down to the end of school, but we're not quite there yet.  6 more months to go!  The past two years have flown by, so I'm sure the next 6 months will too!
Many people (myself included) have been asking "What are you going to do after graduation? Where are you going to end up?" 
Guess what.  I have no idea.  The plan changes every few weeks too.  We were hoping that we would be able to move to Utah in July and spend Dustin's last quarter in a preceptorship (like an unpaid apprenticeship).  Then Snowmaggedon happened and the clinic was closed for a few days, which made it nearly impossible for Dustin to get all his clinic requirements in a quarter early.  So we're sticking it out in Portland until the end of September. 
We've known for a while now that we would like to end up in Utah, and lately we've really wanted to be in St. George.  But it really depends on where Dustin can get a job.  We don't want to start our own practice out the gate, but would like to join a practice as an associate and hopefully be able to start working with a team. 
We will be going to Utah the first week in April to get the registration for the car we are borrowing from my parents taken care of, and we are hoping to shadow a few docs and get to know them.  We have a few leads we are looking forward to meeting and hope one of them will lead to a job offer! 
It would be so nice to know now where we'll be the end of the year.  I am so envious of my brother and sister in law that have job offers for after law school graduation this year and can start looking for apartments and planning their life. 
Hopefully in a month I will know more!  Hopefully we will have a job offer and will know where we are going to end up so I can start planning the next step!  I'll keep you posted.

Hello there

Hello there.

It's been a while.  And while I could insert all sorts of lame excuses at this time, the truth is that things have been really hard for me.
2013 was all about kicking it in the face and making it epic.  And I think we did a pretty good job.  But it kicked back.  October through December was really really hard for me.  Sometimes I would just melt down and cry and all I could say to Dustin was, "I'm just having a really hard time."  That's the only way I knew how to put it.
Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was the stresses of work and school and feeling like I couldn't see Dustin very much. Maybe it knowing that we had gone a full year with no form of fertility treatment and there was no progression. Maybe it was Satan. Maybe I was too depressed to continue my healthy lifestyle and therefore started gaining weight back. Maybe I am psychotic and mentally unstable.
Probably all of the above.
All in all, the end of the year was really hard for me.  I've thought of so many different blog posts I've been meaning to write. I wrote them all in my head a dozen times or so, just never on here.  How do you tell the internet world that you're having a hard time? That you're struggling but you're not sure with what? How do you let yourself open up and be vulnerable?  But yet at the same time share all the amazing and fun experiences you're having? Because we did some really great stuff. Just seemed to contradict each other.
I've been vulnerable before and it was hard, but there were rewards that came with it.
So here I am now, ready to talk (kinda).  I will probably not post all the things I originally wanted to post at the end of the year.  I will post dates of the month because I want to remember those.  There may be other posts to catch up on here and there.
I don't intend to make it a goal this year to increase my blogging.  At tithing settlement in December my Bishop encouraged us to journal.  I got a daily planner and have committed myself to write each day. I love that I just have a page to write each day. I hated journaling before because I felt like I had to write some epic life experience for posterity to read and learn or laugh about.  But now I'm just writing about the day- what we did, ate, watched, read,etc. And I'm enjoying it.  It's real life.  So instead of increasing blogging, I'm increasing personal journaling.  And we'll take it from there.
I've felt happier this month.  Maybe it's the journaling. Maybe it's the unusual January sunshine. Maybe it's cuz I made it through 2013. Maybe it's because this is the year of graduation and I can see a light at the end of the grad school tunnel.  Maybe it's because I'm learning to be happy with myself.
Probably all of the above.
So here's to getting through those really hard days and making each real life boring day a good one.

Chop chop

Every few years I chop my hair off and I was well over due for that big cut this August. Nobody in Portland has known me with short hair so it was fun to get reactions.  My favorite reactions were from the men at work:
Man: Did you color your hair?
Me: Um, yes.....

Technically I DID color my hair, but seriously, I do that all the time.  12 inches is a big deal people!
Lots of people ask if I get sad or nervous to chop my hair off.  I never get sad or nervous, just excited.  

Here are before and after pics of my locks of love chop chop!

Before

During

After!

Over 12 inches!

4 inches thick- so much hair!

love my new look!

The problem now is that I LOVE my short hair and kinda want to keep it this way.  I actually do my hair now.  And it takes much less time.  Should I keep it short or grow it out again to chop it off?

Back on the Grid

The cause of overtime... so many invoices to enter and pay.

Lately I feel like I've been off the grid.  Things got crazy at work in February, but were supposed to be better in March... except then they got crazier... and stayed crazy in April.  But hopefully May will be looking up!  Our Accounts Payable left the beginning of March and when we finally got her replacement, she was basically awful.  She didn't last long.  And she made us more behind than when we were down one person.  At that point I decided that I should take over Accounts Payable and we have a new Accounts Receivable/Purchasing starting this next week.  Fingers crossed that she works out and there will be no more overtime weeks ahead!!!

My boss brought me daffodils from her house.  She appreciated my hard work and overtime hours 

March was also sharing time for me and holy cow, it is hard to plan a lesson to entertain and teach a whole primary!  But I feel like my lessons went really well. My favorite one was probably my Time Machine with visitors that were Witnesses of Christ's resurrection. 

The awesome time machine I made.

It was pretty epic and the kids absolutely loved it.  And I got to let my visitors do all the talking so win win win. 

Some of my Witnesses.  They even dressed in costumes I brought.  Such good sports!   Thank you missionaries and Mataus!

In March we of course we had our 4 year anniversary, which deserves it's own post as well as everything else that went on.  We had a pretty good St. Patty's day, Easter, Dustin took boards, we had a Lincoln City weekend beach trip, and more dates of the month. 

Good thing I'm back on the grid so I can catch up on blogging and catch up on stalking everyone else's blog. 

Slowly but surely I'll get there.  We're still alive.  We're still having fun.  We're still busy as ever.

Stay tuned.

busting out the big guns

This October marked 3 years of trying to conceive for us... that's 36 months my friends.  36 cycles that didn't work out the way we wanted them to.  36 heartbreaks.

Now before you proceed further into this post, know that you will know the intimate details of my cycle whether you want to or not.  My boss and coworker know them as well as some people in the ward, and I'm not afraid to talk about them anymore, so go ahead, get to know me and my Aunt Flo.  We'll be official best friends.

My insurance through my work started in May so we decided to go see a doctor in June and start back on the clomid wagon in July.  I was hopeful that things would go similarly as before, with the exception that we'd end up with a baby in the end and not a miscarriage.  The doctor seemed nice enough and we ran some bloodwork in addition to doing a semen analysis for Dustin.  All things came back normal and being 20 pounds lighter, we were excited to start treatments again.  We put a  pause on "project look good" and moved forward to "project make a baby."  After all, this doc even had us doing day 21 progesterone tests to monitor ovulation... make sure the clomid was doing what it should.  How could we lose?!

And so we got excited.  July came and my BBT charts looked promising... day 21 results came back as low (meaning they said I didn't ovulate) and so we moved ahead to August.  Afterall, in both pregnancies I had from clomid, it was the 2nd round that did the trick.  This time we bumped the dosage up.  August's chart looked good and then day 21 results came in... and were lower than July.  Which means the doc wasn't very happy with me and now they wanted me to maybe do one more month but then send me off to a specialist.

I was starting to feel a bit crazy.  My charts were good, so something must be working, right?  Also, basically everyone I've ever talked to about infertility asked me if I was diagnosed with PCOS-- to which the answer is NO.  This doctor went over the usual symptoms with me: weight gain, increased hair (like on your neck or chin), depression, difficulty losing weight, and of course, infertility.  I sat there like, 'um, yes, those are all me.' and then he looked at me and said, 'meh, you look fine.'  REALLY?! That should have been my first clue to seek help elsewhere. 

But I didn't and so September was going to be the month, we just knew it.  We were on the higher dosage of clomid again and the charts looked good.  Day 21 progesterone results came back and... still low.  I was frustrated.  We had gotten so excited.  I even let myself start buying baby things.  And we were having no luck.  So in October we made an appointment at Oregon Reproductive Medicine to see a specialist while doing one final round of clomid in hopes that we could make a miracle.

The meeting with the specialist was fine.  She was very thorough on how the female cycle works with hormones and all that jazz and talked about things we could do to move forward-- There are more tests to be done and lots of money to be paid, but there is a plan in place that is more aggressive to make "project make a baby" work.  She also made me feel better about my progesterone draws.  She told me I was ovulating, that even if my results were "low", they were still above ovulation range, which means I wasn't crazy after all.  But she still didn't diagnose me with PCOS.  I even asked her about it--she said that because I generally have regular cycles that I probably don't have PCOS... though you CAN possibly be regular and still have it.  Blarg.

Infertility is depressing.  I won't lie.  There are many times that I have broken down and just couldn't take it anymore.  I had Dustin give me a blessing and I felt better, but the heartache that comes each month is always there.  When we were told about the more aggressive treatments we got excited-- "we could be pregnant next month!" was all we could keep thinking.

And then the end of October came when it was time to make a decision-- the proposed plan was to do up to 4 cycles of IUI with additional testing such as a hysterosalpingogram (HSG for short--its a big word for an x-ray dye test for your uterus/tubes to make sure all the lady bits are ok/not blocked), genetic testing, ovarian reserve testing, FSH/Estradiol testing, the works.

For those of you who don't know what IUI is, it is a fertility treatment that uses a catheter to place a number of washed sperm directly into the uterus. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization.  It starts with a Day 1 (can be done days 1-3) ultrasound to get a general baseline.  Then a medication is taken days 3-7 and a Day 12 midcycle ultrasound is done to see how your ovaries are reacting to the medication-whether you're ready to ovulate or not.  Then comes the trigger shot-inducing ovulation.  Give it a day or and you're back in the office having the husband do his business so they can wash the sperm and get all the best ones ready to inseminate you a few hours later.  Wait 12-14 days and BAM, you have a baby.  At least, that's the plan.  In all actuality, we learned that chances of getting pregnant on our own is about 2%.  With IUI, it bumps it up to 20%.  Not super promising, but it's 1000% more of a chance of pregnancy that trying on our own.

 And it costs a lot.  Of course it's not as much as IVF, but it still has a pretty penny on it.  Not to mention that my health insurance covers NOTHING to do with infertility.

 So this decision of what to do for November was hard.  Christmas is coming up and with my brother's wedding in December, we had the unexpected cost of plane tickets to Utah for the holidays.  We also need to register our car in Oregon and get Oregon driver's licenses and that can cost a bit too.  Dustin's student loans this quarter aren't stretching as far as other quarters as well--he is taking an extra class/seminar this quarter to get a special certification for the Graston technique and we got him a chiropractic table since he is in adjusting classes now and needs to get a good feel for adjusting.  Money is tight.  That's how grad school goes, right?  If we waited a few more months, we could always lose more weight too and hope that that helps with fertility... So many factors to consider!

But we really want a baby.  I convinced myself that we would wait until January when we will be getting more student loans, promise of a tax return, and a Christmas bonus from work.  But every time I thought I was convinced, I really wasn't.  I would feel depressed.  And then the thoughts and excitement from our first appointment with the specialist came creeping back into my head--"we could be pregnant next month!"
And so I let that win.  Because I felt happy about it instead of depressed which is good enough for me!

And when my period started this week, we made the call for the baseline ultrasound.  I went in for it this morning and the ultrasound part was fine.  My uterine lining is fine and my ovaries have plenty of eggs in them.

What was TRAUMATIZING was the 6 vials of blood that they wanted for blood work!!!  I was not prepared for that.  My arms are known for being terrors when it comes to giving blood--remember how I was shunned away from the plasma center because my veins were deemed unsuitable?!  And now they wanted 6 vials.  Wow.  So I was poked once and got half a vial.  Then it stopped.  So I was poked again. And again.  And then we called for backup.  Where I was poked again, and then finally on the FIFTH attempt, we found a winner vein to complete the other 5 vials.  Seriously traumatic.  Especially when I had to check out and pay $563 for all the trauma.   (I told you it was a pretty penny)

Fail.

The good news is that I shouldn't have to do those nasty things again.  At least, I don't think so.  They were for fertility testing and now we know the results- my FSH and my Estradiol are both completely normal-meaning my ovarian reserve is just fine and I'm not menopausing anytime soon.  My TSH (thyroid) came back as HIGH (which I had tested before by lame doctor man who said it was normal), so I am starting on a thyroid medication tomorrow.  I'm kinda excited about that just because I've wondered if there was a problem with my thyroid for a while now (hello, I gained HOW many pounds?!), but was told it was normal.  I hope this really helps. Thyroid symptoms can also be similar to PCOS symptoms so maybe it's just a thyroid issue all along?  I dunno, guess we'll see!

I did get a prescription writeup thing to have MORE blood work done at a different clinic (that can take my insurance) for some tests that will check out possibly why I've had 2 miscarriages.  I might give that some time cuz after today's trauma, I'm gonna have to build up all my strength for that. 

I also have a prescription to start Femara which is like Clomid but with less side effects (um, hello, why didn't we pick that before?!).

This Friday I have my HSG and then next Friday will be my midcycle ultrasound.  In 26 days we can know if I'm pregnant or not! 

This is progress people!  The plan is in action and moving forward!  Sure, we'll be broker than broke when it's all said and done, but hopefully we'll end up with a bouncing bundle of joy in 9 months.  Fingers crossed, prayers said, good vibes sent out to the universe.

If things don't work out this cycle, we will take a break until at least January, maybe another month or so to boost up the funds again.  (Thank goodness for HSA money left over from Storesonline!!)

So there you have it-- the big guns have been busted out and we are attacking this fertility head on.  If you so feel the need or desire to pray for us, please do.  If you so feel the need to send us money, I'll give you our address hahaha.  We're hoping for the best and will keep you posted!

I'm not fat, it's just my awesomeness swelling up inside me

Where to begin?  Do I blog about our trips to Seattle and Utah?  Do I blog about our weight-loss journey?  Do I blog about how freakishly hot our apartment is and therefore we got a window AC unit but have not yet installed it?!? That post would be easy.  It would go something like this:

Our apartment is freakishly hot.  Portland doesn't believe in AC being standard.  So we bought a window AC unit.  But haven't installed it yet.  Don't fear, we bought the plexi glass for the rest of the window area.  But that was today.  Which is why it hasn't been installed yet.  The end.




Man, that was an easy post. 
I feel like part of the problem I'm having with deciding what to write is because A) it's been a while since I posted so there could be a lot I could post about and B) I'm the kind of person that has a hard time sharing my weakness until they're conquered.  For instance, our weight-loss journey.  Have I mentioned dieting on this blog once?!  Ever?? No.  I get afraid to share my faults before I know I've progressed on them because what if I had a post that was entitled, "I'm sorry that I got fat, I will slim down." and then DIDN'T change my lifestyle and DIDN'T lose any weight, and then I failed in front of everyone!?  No, that's not what I do.  I'm too chicken.  The internet is a pretty vulnerable place.  Anybody can read anything you say.  And you can't really take it back.  Even though my blog is private, all anybody needs to do is to copy and paste my words or pictures and then they have them for anyone to see.  (Now don't go gettin' any ideas here!)
So I keep it all to myself until I have good news to share.  Like this post:
Guess what guys, I have lost 22 pounds in the past 2 months!    Which in my book is a pretty big accomplishment.  I still have a long way to go, but we are off to a good start.  (Dustin has lost 30 pounds, what a show-off, eh?)  We decided to try to lose weight because quite frankly, I was sick of how fat my face has been.  Have you noticed my lack of pictures of ME on the blog?  I hate how I look in pictures.  Hate it.  And I want to remember myself in these fun times we're having which meant that I needed to take a step in the right direction and change how I looked.  So to kick us off, we ordered Nutrisystem.  They send you all your meals and then you supplement in fresh foods like produce, dairy, and breads.  We were able to get gift cards from Costco 50% off and then online they always have like 40% off so we were able to get a decent rate (it's pretty expensive and we're still grad students).  The food was... meh... okay.  Dustin liked it way more than I did.  We stuck with pretty much only Nutrisystem foods for about and month and then the past month we've supplemented in our own foods-keeping things low cal, reduced fat, counting calories, and working out at the gym.  I've felt a lot better and am happy to be down 22 pounds.  My face is not-so-fat anymore and I'm okay being in pictures now. But I guess you'll have to wait for another blog post to actually see.  ;)
We still have Nutrisystem food left, but I'm very happy that we're implementing in more normal food.  This has been more a lifestyle change for us than just a diet-- We are all about portion sizes, reading nutrition facts, and staying within a good calorie range.  We should be doing this for the rest of our lives!! Of course that doesn't mean that I'm never eating cookies again.  That would be a sad sad life. In fact, I had Dustin make cookies this afternoon.  And they were delicious.  But it does mean that we have to stop after 1 or 2 cookies, not 5.
I set up some motivational rewards for myself to keep me excited about losing weight.  10 pounds was a new jewelry set (which I didn't buy... instead I got an expensive sewing machine, but that's probably another post), 20 pounds was new shoes, 30 pounds will be a manicure/pedicure, 40 pounds a new outfit, 50 pounds a weekend trip to Seattle (or the beach? Somewhere fun!)  I've needed new shoes for a while and I really wanted to get some from Forever Young Shoes in Utah when we were visiting, so I was very happy to reach my 20 pound goal while in Utah!  8 more pounds and I can get a little pampering.  Good idea? I think so.
I don't think I have an end goal weight in mind at this point.  Anything I can lose makes me happy.  As long as we keep at it, we should be healthy and looking oh-so-good in no time.  Project Looking Good is well on it's way.

Opportunity Cost

Oh man. How did life all of a sudden get so BUSY? Oh wait, I can tell you how...

I became a working girl again.

And while having income from a job is fantastic, there are also opportunity costs. What's that? I remember something from freshman year's American Heritage class?! You bet I do! (Granted, this is about the only thing I remember from that class.... that and the trip to Vegas to work campaigning....)

Here are the opportunity costs of my job (in no particular order):

• Blogging
• Clean house
  
• Healthy home cooked dinner
  
• Free time
• Organization
• Scripture reading
• RS Lesson planning
• Lunch with Dustin
• Fridays with Dustin
  

I'm sure there are more, but those are the ones that weigh the heaviest on my mind right now. My blog hasn't been posted in for over a month, and there are lots of fun things we've been doing that I'd love to record in this journal of mine/share with family and friends. My home has become somewhat of a disaster with piles of clothes that need sorted in my bedroom and crafting supplies scattered all over the floor in the spare bedroom. And when Saturdays roll around, I'd rather spend time relaxing than cleaning. Though I attempt meal planning, even work on getting chicken out to thaw, by the time it's time to cook dinner, I just don't want to or nothing sounds good. So Subway has become a frequent eatery for us. I am teaching Relief Society tomorrow and have I even STARTED my lesson yet? Um, not really. Read through it, got the online version so I can rearrange it and print it out, but haven't started actually forming it yet. I used to do that a WEEK in advance. Dustin has 2 hour breaks on Tuesdays so he would come home and have lunch with me; also is done with classes at 10:30 AM on Fridays. Now I see him for a few hours each night before we try to get to bed early to wake up on time (which doesn't always work).

These are all things I give up to have a job, the opportunity costs.

Of course, there are many perks to having a job:

• Money - no need to take out grad plus loans next year!
• Fun date nights
• DVR service
• Paying off the car in April!!! Only student loans left to pay off :(
• Savings account more realistic
• Something to do all day (hahahaha)
  
• Trips to plan (Chicago next spring break? Alaskan cruise at graduation? Utah for a weekend here and there? the coast?)
• 2 year gym memberships to 24 Hour Fitness bought (via Costco!)
  

Again, more things could be put on this list, but those are probably the biggest. Do the pros weigh out the cons? Some days yes and some days no. I do miss having more time to myself and enjoying time at home, having no excuse to not read scriptures or clean the house and make healthy dinners. But the pros are pretty fun too. We have some fun little weekend trips planned in the next few weeks with Dustin's 2 week break and I love that we can actually DO something for date night instead of McDonalds and Netflix every week. I am SUPER pumped to pay off my car 2 and a half years early! And the thought that we can potentially graduate with more in our savings account than when we started is a nice thought, and that's without taking out grad plus loans for the rest of school! (if I work til he graduates). We got 2 year gym memberships to 24 Hour Fitness so we can get back in shape (Ha, like I've ever been in shape...) and are excited to workout together!

I just have to keep looking at the pros to remind me that I'm doing what's best for our family right now when I look around at the messy house and another Subway dinner because I'm too tired/have no desire to do anything once I get home. It's all about balance and I'm still working out that work/home balance to see that everything is taken care of. It will come with effort and practice, but until then, if the blogging is feast and famine.... you've been warned.

Working girl

I know many people have been wanting to know about my new job and how it's going. Well... it's awesome!

The company I work for is called the House of Antique Hardware. They are an online store that sells, well, antique hardware. You can find their website here. I think my official title is Bookkeeper, but I work in the Accounts Receivable side of Accounting, which basically means that I get to take people's money. :)

I start my day with a sales audit report, which means I get to reconcile all the payments from each payment method (Visa/MC/Discover/Amazon/PayPal) for the previous day and make sure that what our payment processor said we made matches up with what our database says we made. After everything matches up, I make the deposits for each payment method into the proper account.

Then I work on billing... charging payments for each order that is ready to leave the warehouse for delivery to the customer. And billing takes up most of my day. Once billing is done, I work on doing refunds and other various things as needed. I'm still being trained on the other various things as I get faster at doing the billing portion :)

Something that is really nice about working with this company is that very rarely do we have a payment not go through. That was something that was so frustrating at StoresOnline--we had some really crappy customers! But at the House of Antique Hardware, our customers are contractors or designers, people with clients and business, and their payments actually go through. It makes my job SOOO much easier.

The people that I work with are very nice. My boss even bought me a little gift for my birthday- a mug and two boxes of hot chocolate with a little happy birthday balloon and card. She must have picked up on the fact that I don't drink coffee, which is a dominant smell in the office. Hahaha. It's definitely different working in a company where I am the only LDS person.

I got my first paycheck last Friday and even though it was only for a partial week (from the week I started), it was so awesome to know we're going to be getting money on a regular basis! That was the first real paycheck we've had in 4 months! Also, I love that Oregon pays SO much better than Utah. Seriously awesome.

I do miss the little daily things I was able to do when I was home all day, like reading my scriptures and keeping the house clean. Of course those are still things I need to do, but it's been a lot harder to keep up on everything because I am always so TIRED when I get home. I'm so glad I have a husband that is so good at picking up my slack around the home, even if he's been at class all day.

I am so grateful that I have a job with this growing company and it will be great working there!

When I get sad...

Well folks, it's been a while since I've been on the blogging wagon. 3 weeks of vacation will do that to a blog. I wanted to blog before we left for vacation, but then the week we left, I was feeling depressed knowing that it was my due date from my miscarriage back in May. And it sucked. I miss my baby. I wish they could be here with me now. But they are not, so I move on with my head up and ready for everything else, come what may and love it. I mean, let's face it, sometimes life sucks. But it's not just MY life that has some suck in it, everyone's does. I'm not the first nor the last person to deal with infertility and miscarriage. But I don't want to wallow in self pity, which is why the blogging did not happen- so I wouldn't have to suffer through writing out a post and you wouldn't have to suffer reading through it. I know it's okay to write about crappy stuff, but I just didn't feel like it. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story. (We have been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother and I'm a huge fan of the show)

Now it's a new year and a fresh start and even favor odds to evens, 2012 will be a great year. Cuz I want it to be.

So look forward to some catch up posts in the next few days about Dustin's birthday, Christmas break, and the new year!

My Good Life

You know how most times, people just post about how completely wonderful their life is and how nothing is wrong, like ever? And you know that it's never all that they say that it is?

Well, my life is really all that. All that and a fresh baked cookie!

Okay, maybe not that awesome.

But, i am super happy.

I'm enjoying my time at home.

I'm enjoying helping out another family with their 5 kids.

I'm enjoying living within a budget.

I'm enjoying cooking most every night and trying new recipes (especially when they turn out awesome!)

I enjoy cleaning my house.

I enjoy reading my scriptures for a good half hour every day. Followed by a Conference Talk.

I enjoy exercising in the gym or with Bob Harper on the Wii's Biggest Loser game.

I am really happy.

Okay, okay, so not everything is fairy tale perfect. I would love to be able to buy things just for the fun of it.... To see something in a store and pick it up for Dustin just because. But now I have to constantly think, "is that in the budget?" Usually it's not. We used to be able to buy whatever we wanted. But I don't really miss it. I like not splurging on every little thing. I feel like I have a lot more self discipline. And staying in our budget will keep us self reliant. Which i love.

I also would still like a baby. I haven't started back on any clomid or have gone to see a doctor out here. We have zero insurance, but we do have money in our HSA still.... Not to sound selfish, but I am enjoying this time to myself and with Dustin. Just the two of us. Maybe it was that we were in my parent's house for a year, maybe it's that we're in a new area and I'm still adjusting to the changes... But I'm okay that we're not having a baby right now. We're not giving up on it, we're just not aggressively working on it with medication. The de-stressing, exercising, enjoying life can only help my body.

So yeah, not everything is perfect. But I am SO Happy. Have I said that enough yet? I have a good life. So good that I can blog this while watching The Price is Right. PS They tried to give away a freaking nice BMW today on The Golden Road. The chick lost. Too bad.

Yeah, I have a pretty good life.

I'll be home for Christmas

You can count on me. Please have snow and mistletoe, and presents by the tree!!!!

And no, it's not only in my dreams. Although the original plan was to not go home until March when my lil brother Dallin gets home from his mission, we decided to go home for Christmas!

The reasoning:

Dallin will be getting home the end of March, when Dustin's 2 week quarter break will be happening. Kinda. That's what we originally thought. Now that we have schedules planned for release dates and quarter schedules, Dallin will actually be coming home during Dustin's finals week, and then possibly not even giving his homecoming talk until April when we'll need to be back in Portland.

Nathan, Adrienne, and Elliott's spring break will come before Dallin's return as well, so they changed plans to come home for Christmas instead of March. Thanks guys, you're what got us thinking about changing our plans. We just miss that little Elliott of yours too much. And you too. Both of you :)

Dustin will actually have a THREE week break after this first quarter for Christmas and New Years instead of the usual 2 weeks. An extra week to party!

I currently don't have a job, so it's not an issue to take off holiday vacation time right now. Will I possibly get a job before moving? Maybe. But remember how I decided to stop living my life on maybes and just enjoy come what may? :) I remember.

We will get to be in Utah for Christmas, New Years, my momma's birthday, Evan's 12th birthday (how did he get so old?!), and East Canyon with the Creers!!! Basically, an all around win win win situation with lots of partying.

During Christmas break, I can see if Pandy at Wymount will hire me on for Christmas break help. That alone would pay for the plane tickets! And since my lil sister Ginelle works there, I'd still get to play with her while working. And since we'll be there for 3 weeks, I'll still have lots of evenings and weekends for family and friends!!

Doesn't coming home for Christmas just make sense? We're excited!

Gettin my crafty on

I have so many things I want/need to blog about, but I'll start with my Halloween crafts since it's right around the corner! With my time just chillin' (and enjoying every minute of it), it's been awesome spending time working on some projects. My first project, the BOO woodblocks I picked up my supplies for in Utah, knowing I'd have some time before a job to work on it.

I also made a Halloween themed subway word art picture. It was way fun picking out the fonts and everything, I think I'll make one for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and every holiday!

Sorry that my pictures are truly horrible. The lighting in our family room is awful (there basically is none), and these pics come from my iphone.... someday maybe we'll have a nice camera.

Home Sweet Home

I have some pictures finally of our new place. Well, at least the family room, kitchen, and big bathroom. I love this apartment. It's close to the main street, but not on the main street and there's a residential area behind us, so it's actually really quiet and our deck faces trees which are pretty to look at. I LOVE how much room I have in this apartment! There is tons of storage, including outside storage on our deck. I also have tons of counter space in my kitchen which basically is heaven for me. I love that we have two bathrooms! It is so fantastic!!

Things have been a little different as we are setting up the house and with Dustin starting school. Our roles in our relationship have totally shifted. Back in Utah, Dustin was the one who did most of the laundry, got our lunches ready, made the bed, and even cleaned the bathroom most of the time. (I know, I married a stud). Now that he is in school taking 30+ credits each quarter, and I am unemployed, I am the one doing the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, and it's nice, but I kinda feel out of place. I know I just posted the other day about how I don't want to work, but it feels weird not working... just being home all day. At least our house will always been clean while I'm not working! Thanks to everyone for the suggestions about employment--I think that's exactly what I'll do! Keep enjoying unemployment and projects and blogging, while still looking for a job I'll enjoy. I just found out from another friend's blog today and THE SWEET TOOTH FAIRY is going to be opening up locations in Oregon and Washington! I don't know the areas, but I wouldn't see why they wouldn't open up a Portland or Vancouver shop, so maybe I could work there! I'll just keeping putting my application out there and send good vibes to STF to get a shop up here asap! :)

Now here are the pictures!

Family Room, TV/Entertainment Center/Piano side

Whole Family Room view

Kitchen

Our pantry, in the dining room

Dining Room Window looking out to our deck

Look at all that counter space! There's just as much on the other side of the kitchen too!

The big bathroom, also has washer/dryer in it. Thanks to Lauren and Keilani for these bathroom accessories from my wedding! I love that I have two bathrooms now so I can use them!

I saw this idea on Pinterest and I had the jar with the candle votive and knew I had to do this! I just added a bow to it to make it cuter and match our bathroom colors!

Now it's home sweet home!

Working for the money

Dustin started his classes today and so far they have been great! Just a review for now, but with all the horror stories we've been hearing from other students, he's just getting started. :) With starting classes today, that also means that we got our student loan money check with the remaining balance after tuition/fees. It was more than we thought it would be and are very excited about that! But that also leads me to more internal conflict...

You see... if I was totally honest (and this is my blog so I get to be totally honest about how I feel), I just don't want to work. I. just. don't. want. to. And now that we have more money to live off of than we thought we would, technically, I don't HAVE to work. Because we don't NEED the money, we're actually sitting pretty comfortably. BUT if I did work, that means that we wouldn't have to take out as much student loan, therefore having less to pay off post graduation, therefore having a lot better financial situation once we're done. Which is really brilliant, a much better situation for us in the long run. Also, we'd have more money during school to finish paying off the car loan, my remaining student loans, and start paying off Dustin's undergraduate student loans. Which then again equals MORE MONEY. Duh, of course this all makes sense because working will mean more money.

But working... sigh... why can't there be this amazing job that I would just love love love?! I thought I had found it in a data entry job I tried applying for, but that is since gone as the whole 'moving here' thing got in the way so that I couldn't get all applied for it on time. I keep browsing CareerBuilder and Craigslist for the perfect job, but I can't seem to find it. All the Accounting jobs I could potentially be interested in are all temp positions, which is not my ideal kind of job.

I met with Express Pros Staffing, another company like Robert Half or Accountemps, but it's the same kind of situation--temp jobs. If I get a job, I don't want to keep doing temp jobs, hoping that another position will open up when the one I'm temping for is up. So where oh where is this perfect job that will pay me awesome amounts of money so that we don't take out as much student loans?! I just don't know.

So for now, I guess I'll keep looking. Even though I'd rather just... enjoy my time. Work on projects. Exercise. Blog, blog, blog. Read. Cook healthy meals. Spend time with husband during his school breaks. Etc.

Doesn't that sound like such a better life?! Much more enjoyable? I think so. What do you think?

I didn't know there was sunshine in this city!

Well, we made it! We have now been here for a week and while it still feels like we're on vacation, we love it! When we got here last Thursday, the temperatures were SO HOT all weekend! We finally saw a little rain Sunday morning, but it quickly went back to blue skies and has been BEAUTIFUL all week. Everyone kept trying to tell me about how depressed we'd be with the over cast skies and rain, but, man, this is heaven. I look forward to the rain that is coming soon too :)

BIG thanks to my wonderful parents, awesome sister in law Nicole, and fantastic aunt and uncle for helping us move!!! We hope more family and friends can come visit us soon!

It has been SO great not working and having Dustin at home too before he starts classes. We were able to put our house all together, including most decorating done by Wednesday! Which is seriously record time for us. In our last two places, pretty sure we NEVER were fully moved in. I love love love our little apartment. It is the perfect size for us and I feel like we have tons of space for storage and everything. This complex is so amazingly quiet that sometimes I wonder if we even have neighbors.

We met our ward on Sunday and when the bishop found out we were from Utah he said, "Oh good! You're active!" Which we laughed pretty hard about cuz being from Utah definitely does NOT make you active. Our ward is pretty small, but after feeding the missionaries on Wednesday (we have missionaries just for our ward! How weird is that?! Okay, it's not weird, it's actually really normal outside of Utah!), we found out that the activity percentage is 25%.... so that's why it seems so small. We'll see how long it is before we have to give talks in sacrament meeting... and yes, I said HAVE to give talks cuz I hate giving talks....

We made some new friends called the Stanfords--Yolanda (yo-land-a) and Nate. And their 5 kids. The invited us over for lunch on Sunday and we had a great afternoon with them. Nate goes to Western States University like Dustin so he gave us a whole bunch of great advice. We had them over for a fondue and games last night too and it's nice to have friends here already!

Today was a fantastic day. Dustin got to go to new student orientation, and I got to work on application stuff. I am now trying to work with Robert Half Accounting and ExpressPros Jobs to find something to do out here. I did some more testing for Express Pros for Excel, Word, 10 key, and typing, and I feel really good about my scores so hopefully they have something for me when I go meet with them on Monday.

After I was happy with my test scores, I treated myself to a couple episodes of Desperate Housewives before Dustin got home. Hahahaha. Tonight we are heading over to my aunt and uncle's house in Battle Ground for they BYU vs Utah State game.

Pictures and more Portland happenings to come!

101 Cake Balls

My newest cookbook. I have not experimented with it yet, but plan on doing so this week!

All I've been posting about lately is the move, so I interrupt the countless moving posts that you are all sick of reading about to blog about CAKE BALLS.

You know what would be my dream job? Baking and decorating in the kitchen all day long. But not in a professional bakery because instead of "lalalala, make some frosting; lalala, decorate a cake; lalalala, let's try out a new recipe", it would be, "THERE ARE 15 CUSTOMERS STILL WAITING FOR THEIR CUPCAKES AND YOU RUINED THIS BATCH OF FROSTING AND SPEED THINGS UP WOMAN!!" and basically, that would not be my dream job anymore.

I still have dreams of someday setting up my own bakery and selling all things wonderful. With a specialty in cake balls. You know, those wonderful little bite size pieces of cake and frosting harmoniously combined and dipped in chocolate?!?! Freaking awesome.

Sweet Tooth Fairy sells these little treats for A BUCK A PIECE! Which is way overpriced. They are not that good. Not compared to my cake balls. Mine are bigger, better, and half the price. The only problem? I don't really sell them. But I'd like to. "Breezy's Bites" sold at "Sweet Escape". Don't steal those names, I'll kill you.

So here's the goal: Move to Portland where cake balls aren't as well known (I feel like they are a big Utah thing?). Bring a batch of cake balls to a ward or school function. Everyone devours said cake balls and HAS to know who brought them. At which point, I chime in and say, "oh yeah, that was me. I make them. I can sell them to you for a steal of a deal for you next __________ (fill in the blank. Possible options: Birthday party, bridal shower, baby shower, women's luncheon, etc.) And BAM. I'm in business. And selling cake balls like hot cakes. And making money. And living out my dream job. Until I'm shut down for not having a business license or food handler's permit, or permission to sell baked products from my home. BLARG. But it's a start, right? We'll see how that dream plays out. Until then, there's always plasma to earn money. :)