Foster parenting

I announced to the Instagram/Facebook world last week that we are preparing to become Foster Parents.  By doing so, I knew there would be a lot of questions that couldn't be answered on a simple Instagram post, so I thought I'd take some time to go through possible questions that we have received/will be getting.
As a little background, we've been thinking about and wanting to do foster parenting for a while now.  It all started when we lived in Portland and met Peyton.  She was the most adorable baby that just instantly loved me, and she was a foster child.  It broke my heart that there are these children who have gone through so much trauma and all they need is a little bit of normal, a little peek into what a regular family looks like and functions like, a lotta bit of love, and what a difference that can make in their lives.  I loved the thought of being that person for these children and knew that at some point, we'd be doing foster care.  Fast forward to now, we were getting ready to move into our house with plenty of room, and a friend let me know that foster classes were coming to HEBER in May on WEEKENDS when it will be easiest for us to attend.  I couldn't say no or put it off any longer, not with timing like that!  So we're on the path to becoming licensed foster parents and could potentially be ready to house children as early as August of this year.
Now on to the question part. :)  

1.  Q. Does this mean you've given up on trying to have biological children?
A.  No.  We still want to continue trying to have biological children but I've come to the very real realization that to achieve our dream of becoming pregnant, the next step is IVF.  Which we don't have the money for.  So while we are saving up for that, we will be doing what we can to help children in need and offer all our love.
2. Q. I thought you didn't want to adopt.
A. First off, I never said that. I said adoption wasn't right for us right now.  Secondly, foster parenting is not adopting.  Yes, it can lead to adoption in some cases, but the main goal of fostering is to have the children returned to their parents.  In our last foster class, we were told that the percentage of children in this region who end up being adopted is close to around 20%.  So it's not super common.
3. Q. If the child/children we were fostering became available for adoption, would you adopt them?
A. Most likely yes.  Adopting through Utah Foster Care costs nothing.  That's right, it's basically free.  Adoption through a private agency costs around $40,000.  So if we were to ever adopt children, this would be the way we'd go (at least at this point in our lives).
4. Q. Does this mean you're quitting your job?
A. No.  To be honest, I am the primary breadwinner in our home.  I'm not trying to discredit my husband or shame him, he has worked very hard to get where he is and I am so proud of him.  The truth is that I do make more money that him, and I have company provided benefits that we can't do without.  Without both of us working, we'd be in big trouble.  I'm trying to work out a situation with my work to make it easier for me to be a foster parent, but I also am searching for daycares in this area that aren't super expensive.  While foster parents are reimbursed for children's needs, it's only around $15 a day and one day care that I've heard of charges $25 a day.  We're definitely not doing foster care for the money and will probably be spending more out of pocket than what we will be getting, another reason we will need both of us to be working.
5. Q. Isn't foster parenting hard?
A. Yes. I'm sure it is.  Isn't normal parenting hard? I'm sure it will be hard to take these children into our homes and our hearts and love them unconditionally and then see them go.  They can come with so much trauma in their young lives and could be very difficult to handle.  But if we can make just a little difference in their lives, it's worth it. 
6. Q. What age group do you want?
A. With foster parenting, you can specify what age group you are willing to take.  For us, we have said 0-4 but are willing to go up to age 8 if there was a sibling group situation.
7. Q. How can I help?
A. Great Question! ;) Because we don't know what ages we'll be parenting, and there is such a big range in supplies for a baby vs an 8 year old, if you have any old children furniture that you're not using anymore and would like to donate, we would appreciate it! Cribs, car seats, high chairs, toys, we have nothing! Most parents have 9 months (and a baby shower) to prepare for their children and they know they'll be babies.  We only have a few months until we'll be licensed and don't know the size of child we'll be getting. So if you feel the desire to help and have anything you're not using (or could sell to us for cheap), let me know.

Any other questions? I'm an open book people. :)

The 7 year itch

I guess blog posts are bound to decrease when one cancels their internet at home....
But here I am!  Because there's been a lot on my mind lately.
Today is our 7 year anniversary.  And I don't have anything gooshy or lovey dovey to share.  But I have been thinking a lot about being married for 7 years and about our infertility.  It's been hard lately.
A year ago on our anniversary we were celebrating in Mesa and Vegas started another round of fertility treatments as soon as we got home.  It had been a big break in treatments (since seeing the terrible specialist in Portland) and I was excited for what the year would bring.  During that month's treatment cycle we did the water ultrasound and found Phyllis.  Dang you Phyllis.  Surgery was in April and then we started a fertility round the very next month in May.  Which was no dice.  Things got crazy when I switched jobs in June, signed our contract for building our house in July, and then Dustin got a new job in August and started it in September.
It was a wild summer and by the time things calmed down, we felt that it wasn't the right timing for treatments that fall.  So we waited until winter.  And things felt good again.  So we did a monitored "timed intercourse" cycle that started the very end of December and boy was I surprised when I had FOUR follicles ready for ovulation. They asked if I wanted to proceed because there was a much higher chance of multiples and I said "bring it on!" Well, none of them took.  So we did another round end of January and this time asked our family to fast with us.  Because fertility treatments are hard.  And emotional.  And a financial burden.  That round brought one perfectly ready follicle but again, no luck.
Of course in the middle of this cycle, the {crap} hit the fan.  Our house will be ready in April and our down payment will be due.  We did our taxes and turns out when you start making twice as much money as before (with two incomes vs one that we had had for so long while Dustin was in school), you have to change your tax exemptions or you owe (and you owe a lot).  Again, due mid April.  And then Dustin ruptured his Achilles playing basketball.  Thankfully we didn't have to do surgery, saving us over $3000 that would also most likely be due in April, but it was still an added expense.  Proof once again that things come in 3's. 
So with all that was going on, I didn't feel like we could continue treatments at this time.  Which sucks.
I distinctly remember when we were first trying to get pregnant, I had a conversation with a coworker who told me her sister finally adopted after trying to get pregnant for 7 years.  And I thought to myself, "there's NO WAY I would wait that long to adopt!"  Well guess what.  It's been about 7 years.  And guess what.  Adoption isn't even on our radar.  I know people are trying to be nice and friendly when they hear our story and then immediately ask if we are going to adopt, but it drives me crazy.  I have nothing against adoption, but it has NEVER felt right.  And with how hard adoption is, I can't feel good about investing that much emotionally and financially for something that doesn't feel right.  You gotta be in the right mindset and I'm not.  I'm so open about our infertility so I'd be open about our adoption plans too.  So please.  If you're wanting to ask, don't.  And if we are going to adopt, I promise I'll let you know.
I wish I could say that I knew exactly what the plan is, but I don't.  I'm tired of trying and failing.  I'm tired of getting my hopes up on a good cycle only for the news to be bad.  I'm tired of having to defend myself when people ask why we don't have kids or when we're going to start our family.  It's hard guys.  And I don't think I can emotionally handle it anymore.  So I think I'm taking a break.  A break from fertility treatments.  At least for a little while.  A break to work on myself and finding my zen.  To find inner peace and really figure out what we're supposed to do.  I know we're supposed to have a family, I just don't know when or how.  We'll figure it out.  And until then, I will work on me.  Because that's all I can control.  And because I need to be happy and willing to accept whatever the answer is.
So happy 7 years to us.  To all we've gone through and all we will continue to go through in the next 7 years.  It's not always easy but I'm so grateful that at the end of the day, I have my best friend and lover with me. And if it's just us forever, I can probably be ok with that.  Because I really like him.  And he makes me happy.