Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month

I was trying to caption an Instagram post that was turning into a novel, so I figured I should just get it all out in a post.

Most of you know that October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.  I haven't been able to put to words all my thoughts on this so I've stayed quiet, even though I'm not quiet about our infertility journey.  For me, these two have gone hand in hand.  I've had three miscarriages from pregnancies that were achieved through fertility treatments. These were all pregnancies I had hoped and prayed for, only to have them end in the first trimester, never getting my take home baby. 
My heart breaks every time I hear someone's story of their loss.  I am so proud of all the women raising their voices to share their stories the past few weeks.  I know it's not easy, but there is so much love and strength that comes when we share our struggles and losses. 
I think of how different our lives would be if each baby lived.  I am grateful for the experiences we have had over the years of infertility, and know that they have shaped us into who we are today.  We are very blessed. Even though we still have no babies running around in our home calling me mommy, they are each a part of my heart and I am a mother.  I am thankful we can spend this month remembering each angel baby because I know that each woman who has gone through this loss thinks about what could have, would have, should have been.

First Design Appointment

We had our first design appointment this past Saturday on September 26th.  The whole week leading up to it I was so full of emotions-- anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, panicked, and then finally on Friday the day before I was really really excited.
If we would have had our design appointment right after we signed off on structurals (mid August), our home would have turned out so differently.  Having 6 weeks gave me way too much time to research all the brands and products and upgrades that we wanted.  I priced out all the upgrades again and again and again to try to stay within our budget.  Of course we got there and ended up changing things a little when we got to make the actual choices instead of just basing it on levels pricing.  
Our designer Heidi was lots of fun to work with.  Because I had done so much research before our appointment that I felt well prepared.  That is, until she asked us to pick out hardware for our cabinets.  I told her I didn't want to get hardware through them, we would do it ourselves.  Then she dropped a bomb.  She said that if we added our own hardware after, then it would void our warranty because it would be modifying the cabinets.  We decided to upgrade our cabinets quite a bit and they come with a limited lifetime warranty.  I would HATE to void that kind of warranty!  So I had a mini meltdown trying to pick out some hardware.  I didn't love any of their choices and had already made up my mind on some that we found at Home Depot that are MUCH cheaper (especially since they don't have extra costs tacked on for installation).
Because I was so well prepared, we cruised right along and had time to go over EVERYTHING.  We are waiting on pricing for a few items but should be able to sign off on everything at our next appointment next Friday the 9th!

I'd love to post pictures but I feel like they just don't do it justice, so except for this sneak peek at our exterior, pictures will have to wait until they're installed for reals. Unless my new iPhone gets here before our next design appointment, then maybe I can get some good pics to share for those siblings that live far away (or they can always ask for updates and crappy pics) ;)

I'm so excited to get everything finalized and I love how it's turning out!   
If you hate my choices, just pretend like you love them, because I do haha. 
According to our latest update from our sales agent, our plans are to the city for permit so hopefully they can start digging the end of October/beginning of November!

Coming early 2016...

I can't believe that almost two months ago we started the process to sign our lives away... at least the next 30ish years of it.
We are building a home in Heber with Oakwood Homes and are super excited about it!
At first I was in denial.  Lots and lots of denial.  We had been looking at builders and existing homes for months.  We really liked Edge Homes but the floorplan we wanted seemed out of budget.  We discovered Oakwood Homes in June and I fell in love.  Their floorplans are perfect for our starter home and in a price range we were happy with.  Homes in Heber are PRICEY, and these new construction homes were the best price we've found plus they are NEW and will be finished however we want!
I feel like Oakwood Homes gives you more bang for your buck.  They seemed to have more included items in the base price of the home (like granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, LARGE kitchen islands) that would all be upgrades for Edge.  I notice as I type this that those are all kitchen upgrades haha.  It's true, Oakwood Homes have nice kitchens and that was a super important condition for me.  Even little things that you wouldn't think as much about like including elongated toilets (instead of circle), large walk in showers in the master bath, etc. are included in the base price.  So I feel like we're getting a great deal!
The biggest downside to Oakwood Homes in Heber is that their lot sizes are teeny tiny.  Like .11 acres- you can reach out and touch your neighbors house- teeny tiny.  They had a few bigger lot sizes available but they were on a road that required you to do a 3 car garage to match the curb appeal of the Ivory Homes subdivision across the street.  And for us, a 3rd car garage wasn't exactly what we want, need, or have the money to pay for in a first time home purchase.  The floorplan we also were most interested in doesn't have a model home in Heber and I wanted to be able to walk through it before deciding to buy it.
We were in contact with our sales agent and let her know that we were interested in a particular lot that was one of the biggest lots (.19 acres), on a corner, and didn't require a 3rd car garage.  That was on a Wednesday.  She wrote back to us that the lot wasn't available yet and that many people had interest in that lot so it might come down to a lottery.  That Friday night we got another email back saying that the lot was available! Saturday we drove to Centerville to walk through our floorplan model and then met with her that afternoon to sign a contract.  We put our earnest money down and got the lot we wanted!

Our corner lot

It was super nerve wracking to sign the contract and it took us a good while to do it.  I felt like we were crazy but at the same time felt really good about building this home.  We said a prayer before we went in to our meeting and by the time it was signing time, we still felt like it was the right thing to do.  Even though we were unsure about Dustin's job or what the heck we're doing in life, we felt like this is where we are supposed to be. Side bar- Dustin's job has all worked out, he's now at a different clinic in Park City working for Dr. EJ Raven and we are so happy for this change!  It was such a blessing to us and amazing to me how it all worked out in the timing that it did.  We love the Ravens are are very happy to be a part of Freedom Chiropractic!
The next day (Sunday), I was super anxious and afraid that we had made a terrible mistake.  At church we sang Hymn No. 34 and when we came to this verse I felt like it was a confirmation that we had made the right choice.  But when we drove home from church, we both said that we were really sad to be leaving our ward.  We love the Heber 1st ward!

PS don't mind the typo on the last line.  Auto correct was out to get me.  It should just be "All my hopes are centered in thee."

This picture is the  view from the backyard of our new house looking at Mt Timp.  I'm so excited to make Heber our mountain home!  I've been scouring Pinterest and Houzz for ideas, and crowd sourcing ideas on Facebook.  I love all the ideas and have to keep telling myself "this is our FIRST home, it's a STARTER home, we don't need ALL THE THINGS!" But I think it will still be a really nice house.
If you'd like to take a virtual tour of the model home, you can check it out here.  And if you want to see the floorplan, you can find it here and then click on "Search for homes in Cottages" and we are the Granby floorplan.
Our design center appointment is in 2 weeks and I can't wait! We've already been to the design center a few times to scope things out and get a feel for where we want to put our money and the different finishes for everything. It's so much to decide!
They told us it should be done in February, but we are thinking it will probably be March.  Our plans are in to architecture to get permits so hopefully once we're done with all the design center appointments in a month, they can get things started soon after!
I apologize in advance for all the house pictures/posts to come in the next few months.  I'm a little bit obsessed and excited.

Life is good

Oh hello there.  I'm back.  It's been a while.  We're still alive.  Life is good.  Really good.

A few months ago I saw a job posting on Facebook for an Accounts Payable job in Midway.  The job description sounded exactly like what I was doing in Portland with much better pay than my current job.  I wasn't looking for a new job, but it seemed like this job was perfect for me.  So I applied.  And I got the job!
I am now working for Millstream Group in Midway and I LOVE my job!!!  I love what I do, the people I work with are great, and the environment is so relaxed.  I've never had a job with such low stress before and it's so so nice.  I'm really really happy with it.  Another upside to the new job is that the company gives employees money in a Health Reimbursement account that I will be able to use for fertility treatments.
Speaking of fertility treatments...
After my surgery in April I did a monitored cycle in May.  I kinda talked about that in my last post.  My mid cycle ultrasound showed one big beautiful egg that was ready to go. Which is great because I had just done one shot of Bravelle instead of two!  We did the HCG trigger shot and then went through the 2 week wait.  Which thankfully went by quickly.  I could tell before we even went in for the blood test that I wasn't pregnant.  Which was a bummer.  But even with with the best of situations, a normal couple only has a 20% chance of conception each cycle.  So we just need to try again.  And again. And again.  Until it works.  Or at least a couple months to really give it a chance.
With the new job, I haven't been back for a fertility cycle since the one in May.  I'm hoping that next month we can get back at it.  Especially since we have a little extra money from my HRA.  I want to try doing treatments and Whole30 at the same time.  I know they are both stressful and I can't usually handle doing two stressful things like that at the same time, but with my job being so awesome and low stress, I think I can do both at the same time and I KNOW it will help with our chances. 
So September 1 I'm hoping to start another round of Whole30 with treatments to follow soon after!

That's the latest for us! 

Hysteroscopy and post surgery

Surgery was kinda forever ago.  Good news- it went well.  I wanted a picture of Phyllis and the doctor said he would be taking pictures throughout the procedure, but I haven't seen them yet.  So sorry, you get no Phyllis pictures.  I know you're super bummed that you don't get to see the inside of my uterus.
I was told that I wasn't allowed to wear any makeup, jewelry, lotions, perfumes, nothing to the surgery.  So I got to wake up and leave au natural. 

We got to the hospital and didn't have to wait long before we were all checked in and back in pre-op sporting the fabulous hospital gown. 

Then a series of nurses came in and out and all asked the same five questions.  I'm not sure if it's because they just don't want to read your chart, or if it's because they want to make sure you're still you and haven't had your secret body double come and sub in for you.
My main nurse was a cute young thing and I think we scared her with putting the IV in by telling her my veins are difficult.  Which they are, and I wanted to give her a fair heads up.  She tried once (and it left a nasty bruise), but she wasn't able to get a good prick so she had a more experienced nurse come in.  She got it in my hand and that meant we were ready for business.  Then came the anesthesiologist to ask the same 5 questions as everyone else.  A few more nurses, and we were off to the operating room!

They put the mask on me to start the anesthesia and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in post op hearing Dr. Foulk talking on the phone telling Dustin that the surgery went well and hearing someone else's conversation about puddings in the storage closet or something... there was definitely pudding talk in the background.
I had some pretty hard uterus cramping when I woke up, but they gave me some heat and a percocet with my Lorna Doone, and that felt pretty nice.  After we were checked out from the hospital we stopped at Winco for some crackers.  And like 4 boxes of brownie mix. Because anesthesia.  We got home and I was ready to crash on the couch.  My cute coworkers picked up some Kneaders soup, bread, and a magazine for my recovery.  I went back to work the next day but by 10 AM I was feeling sooo super tired so I left after a half day to go home and rest.  I think I slept that whole weekend.

 I never had much cramping after initially waking up, so that was good.  I had started my period the day of surgery but I'm thinking they just scooped everything out cuz I didn't really have much bleeding after.  Yay for a free period month.  My biggest side effect was just being really tired.  For like a week.  But really, recovery was really good.  And at least the hospital sent me a get well card before sending me the bills, haha.

Phyllis was located at the top of my uterus and, as expected, was quite large.  With her being at the top of the uterus, I can see why no good embryo would be able to make it.  Even if there was a good embryo, they probably would have tried to implant into uterus, causing a miscarriage.  They also checked for a septum in my surgery but Dr. Foulk said there was none.
I had a base line ultrasound today and things are all looking good.  My lining looks good and my ovaries look great, no cysts! One of the doctors said that my ovarian reserve is really good, that I have lots of good eggs!  Which I laugh at because I have a period every month but don't ovulate, so I would hope that my reserve is good!  My ovaries are hoarders.  I know that ovarian reserve is a real issue for many couples with infertility, but we are fortunate that is not the case.  With Phyllis gone, we just need to get me to ovulate!  And hopefully we will this month!  I started on meds again today and we are upping my Brevelle injection this month to get a better stimulation. 
Hoping and praying for a good fertility cycle this month!

Pre-surgery, introducing Phyllis, and pie heaven

The AF hospital just called to do "pre-registration" for my surgery.  Because knowing my race is super important pre-surgery.  They also asked "how long have you had symptoms".  Um.... 5 years? I told her I didn't know, so she asked when I decided I wanted to get this surgery done.  As soon as my doctor said "WHOA, there's a giant polyp in your uterus!"  But I just said "3 weeks".  Cuz I think that's how long ago we scheduled it.  Only 2 days until surgery!  I really have no idea what to expect for this.  I have never been to the hospital for myself except when I went to the ER for miscarriage #3 (and that was so lame).  This whole surgery thing is new to me.  I'm imagining it to be like a D&C... except I've never had a D&C so if anyone has any thoughts on that....
I'm planning to be back to work on Friday but many people are telling me I won't be up for it.  So I guess we'll see how it goes.  The concept of being put out for surgery is so weird to me.  I keep asking Dustin what it's like.  Apparently you count backwards from 10, don't even make it to 1, and then the next thing you know, you're waking up and it's over.  Do you dream in surgery? Cuz I have some CRAZY dreams.
So when I told my boss I needed a day off for surgery, he said I should name my polyp.  I started thinking of the usual names that would go with a polyp- Paul, Polly, but they were too obvious.  I also couldn't decide if it was a boy or a girl until I was texting the ever-amazing Kenna.

She had the right words I needed to hear to make me laugh and cope with a difficult situation. (Thank you Kenna!)  So I'd like to introduce you to my polyp, Phyllis.

This is what I imagine Phyllis to be like.  The name Phyllis reminds me of Phyllis from The Office, who happens to be playing the voice of  Sadness in the new Pixar movie coming out this summer.  I just look at this character and think of how my polyp is just hanging out in my uterus, all sad like, taking up all the space and making everyone sad.
I am so ready to get rid of Phyllis.  How long has she been in there anyway??

Some days I'm pretty sure I'm the one making that face instead of Phyllis.  Visiting with a friend last week, she made a comment about how impressed she was that I stay so positive through all of this.  They too dealt with fertility issues for a long time before getting pregnant with their beautiful baby girl.  I kinda laughed and thought, "MAN! My posts are full of lies if I always seem so positive!"
Truthfully, I have a lot of anger inside of me.  I never ever ever said a swear word until 5 years ago, and now... well... swears happen.  I constantly am listening to the Spotify station "Deep Focus" to try to stay calm at work.  Of course, some days are good, but there are also bad days too. I've had a million angry prayers in the past 5+ years of infertility.  Sometimes I just don't want to go to church when I know there will be a bunch of pregnant mamas and adorable babies all staring at me wondering why we're childless. (Though my ward knows, I totally shared our infertility struggle over the pulpit when I introduced us to the ward in my talk in January, whatev).
Really, I'm just hanging in here, trying to cope with this the best I can.  What pulls me back to putting on a positive face is faith in the plan of salvation, the plan of happiness.  I've had a lot of friends and family who have left our church and I can understand where they're coming from.  But for me, this trial has kept me going to church.  I need to believe in a purpose for life.  I need to believe that a loving Heavenly Father is watching out for me, that He has a plan for me and ultimate knowledge of what is best for me, even if I have other plans for myself.  If in the end, there's nothing but a pile of dirt waiting for me and there's no afterlife, I'd rather have gone through life believing that there's more.  Believing that this all happens for a reason.  Believing that I can be with my loved ones forever.  If it's not true, then who cares, it doesn't matter.  But I like having purpose.  I like feeling that this life just isn't some crap hole that I'm supposed to suffer through.
And that's why I believe.  That's why I try to stay positive. 

“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.”

Water Ultrasound

 

 I've been wondering how to do this post.  Remember how I was worried I'd have to share terrible news instead of good news? That's usually what seems to happen for me.  I'm ready to share that happy ending, but this post is not that post.  After reading my patriarchal blessing, I felt that it was important to continue posting about our journey, even (and especially) the bad news.
The water ultrasound last Tuesday showed a giant polyp in my uterus.  Like giant.  So big that even if a good embryo were to make it's way down, it would be kicked off by this bully of a polyp. This will require surgery called a hysteroscopy, which, as of this morning, is scheduled for Thursday April 16th.  It is a same day surgery that will be the American Fork hospital and then we can try an IUI the following cycle in May.  The doctor gave me a pamphlet about it and said, "This is what a polyp looks like, but yours is more this size".

Do you see it- what he penned in? No? Here you go:

Now do you see it?  That giant black line that is the polyp taking over my uterus? I told you I hate my uterus.  I have no idea how long that thing has been in there, but if it's been a while, it could be what has been causing my miscarriages. 

I cried myself to sleep that night.  I was so hopeful that all would go smoothly- that we'd get pregnant with twins this month and be able to be happy with our Christmas babies and life would be perfect.  With not being able to do an IUI until May, my hopes of a baby by 30 are shot.
I know that it's good to get this taken care of and I'm so glad that he found it before we went further and had another miscarriage, but it was still a big loss for me.  I felt like Rachel from the Bible in my prayers that night when she said "Give me children, or else I die!" Wednesday I woke up and did some scripture reading to find comfort, especially the story of Rachel.  "And God remembered Rachel".  I know I need to be patient and that my timeline is not His timeline and that I need to trust in Him.  The hymn above was sung in sacrament meeting the Sunday before the water ultrasound and it gave me comfort in my faith.  I also found comfort reading through my patriarchal blessing that night. I don't share it with many people, but I thought this was important. 
"I bless you in your ability to overcome adversity, to deal well with illness, with any kind of physical disability that you may feel is a problem in your life.  I bless you to be strong and healthy.  I bless you to go forward, understanding, and knowing that any difficulties that come will help you, are for your strength and growth, and will be for your good.  I bless you to help others in their difficulties and challenges, that by your example they may know that all things work together for our good when we are obedient to the commandments, when we put our faith and trust in the Lord, Jesus Christ."  I have been promised that I will be a mother in Zion and I know this will happen when it is the right time.  I just wish it was now.  Hopefully I can help someone else find comfort and encouragement in their journey and struggles.
With any chance of getting pregnant still 2 months out, I decided to get the MMR booster shot (might as well) and took care of that Friday. We stopped eating Whole30 and even Paleo this month because it's a lot of work and my brain can only handle one thing at a time.  I'm going to start Whole30 again the day after Easter and try to stick with it for 2 months until we are able to try for IUI again. 
Hopefully this surgery will be the last missing piece to our struggle and  with combined efforts of the IUI we will be able to make and keep a baby!

I hate my uterus

So we are currently underway for our IUI this month.  I started my period on vacation but made it back in time for the baseline ultrasound.  I started on Femara and we are scheduled for a water ultrasound to check out my uterus next Tuesday.  Then we have the follicle ultrasound next Wednesday to see how we're looking and if there are any developing follicles.  I received meds in the mail today for a shot of Brevelle, HCG, and progesterone suppositories.  This is really happening! They also did some bloodwork at my baseline ultrasound and called back with the results today saying that I am not immune to Rubella so they recommend getting a booster shot or I can sign a waiver saying that I recognize the risks or something like that.  If I got the booster shot, I would have to wait another 4 weeks before trying to get pregnant.  I'm all for vaccinations, but I am all set for the IUI this month and don't want to wait.  They've taken my money, if they wanted me to do this booster shot, they should have tested when I was there last month for my consultation and took some blood!  The way I see it, no normal couple checks for infectious diseases like Rubella before trying to get pregnant, so we're just about the same as everyone else, right?
This period this month has been a super crappy one.  I'm pretty sure every woman hates her period, but I find it seriously unfair to have crappy periods when you don't ovulate and are wanting to get pregnant.  I've had some horrible cramping and have been angry with how angry my uterus is.  Here's to hoping that it's the last period in a while!
I'm really hopeful for this cycle but also very nervous and scared that it's not going to work.  We're putting a lot into this and it's all out of our hands.  We are doing an awful lot of praying and fasting and thank you for your thoughts and prayers too.  In the mean time I'll start sending my uterus happy vibes and try to not worry too much.
I have mixed feelings about sharing everything about our fertility.  In a way, it's good for me to share so I feel like I'm not alone in this, that our family and friends are here to support us.  At the same time, it's hard for me to share because what if things don't work out, and then everyone knows our business.  What if it does work out and I'm not ready to share the results.  Because 3 miscarriages makes you hesitant to announce a pregnancy on the day you find out.  And a negative result will not be what I'll want to come home and blog about to the world.  Because telling everyone the timing of your cycle and the exact moment of conception is is not socially norm.  Because talking about sex and sperm and periods and uteruses and getting knocked up has been somewhat taboo in our culture.  It makes things a little awkward, but I'm hoping that the outcome is more rewarding than keeping it all to myself.  
Sending those happy uterus vibes now... they might need it for the water ultrasound coming up.

Fertility Specialist and a diagnosis

Nicole had her baby the day before we went to the specialist.  Here is Avalee Dawn Cook, newest niece!

After having a horrible experience with our fertility specialist in Portland (super condescending, expensive, and uncaring), I was a bit nervous to go back to a fertility specialist.  I had heard lots of good things about Dr. Foulk at the Utah Fertility Center and he didn't disappoint!
We went over the TONS of labwork and tests we had done before as well as my fertility history, all of which showed that we both checked out on paper.  Dr. Foulk went over the 5 main reasons for miscarriages since that has been a big problem for me.  One of the reasons I could be miscarrying would be due to abnormalities of the uterus.  You'd think that would come up in all the ultrasounds or the HSG that I've done, but I guess not.  Next month we will do a water ultrasound that will test for any possibilities such as a polyp, fibroid, or septum.  If nothing is found, we will move forward with an IUI.  If there is something wrong like a septum, we will need to do surgery first. 
My appointment was on cycle day 8 so we did an ultrasound to see if there were any developing follicles as I have been on clomid and took the rest that I had this cycle.  Dr. Foulk agreed that if there was something going on, we might as well not miss this cycle!  There was a follicle developing on the right ovary and also a bigger one on the left ovary, but it was oddly shaped so he said it probably wasn't a good follicle.  As we looked at the left ovary there were a few other egg looking things, which at my Portland specialist, she said they were other eggs developing, just not as big as the main one.  Dr. Foulk looked at it and said, "oh yes, there are some cysts, which is common with PCOS." And I said "WAIT! You're saying I have PCOS?!"  He probably thought I was crazy and that this was obvious, but I explained to him that every doctor I've been too said that I DIDN'T have PCOS, even when I asked them about it.  He was surprised that the specialist in Portland didn't give me that diagnosis and I told him that she not only said I don't have PCOS, she told me that I ovulate because I have a period every month.  Which I knew wasn't true but when the "specialist" that you're paying tons of money to see tells you you're crazy, you start to think you're crazy, even if I know my body well.  I've been wondering for YEARS if I have PCOS but have always been told no, even though I have many of the symptoms.  It was kind of a relief to hear that yes, I do legitimately have this issue that is causing my infertility instead of it remaining unexplained.  In our consultation before the ultrasound, Dr. Foulk told us that the reason we're not getting pregnant is because I don't ovulate.  So take that Dr. B. in Portland!
They took some blood (only 1 vial, woot!) for some bloodwork to check my estrogen levels and figure out if that follicle would be a good one or not and we could do an IUI this month.  The bloodwork came back indicating that it's not a good egg and probably just a cyst so we'll wait until next month.
Dr. Foulk started me on Metformin to help balance my hormones and insulin resistance caused by the PCOS. I asked previous doctors about taking Metformin and they never wanted to prescribe me with it.  So I was happy that he suggested it himself without me even having to ask.  I'll be calling them back on Day 1 to get set up for an IUI and the water ultrasound.  We'll be using Brevelle (FSH stimulant), an HCG trigger shot, the IUI, and progesterone suppositories.  So we have a real plan!!!
I'm excited to make this happen and I feel good about working with Dr. Foulk. He knows what he's talking about and it makes sense to me with all my suspicions about my infertility.  I'm also happy that we'll do the progesterone to help against miscarrying too.
Fingers crossed that next month will be a success!

Hey, it could happen!

I started writing this post in January... and now it's February... but not too late for resolutions and goals for the year, right?
I saw that Stephanie Southerland's motto for 2015 is "Hey! It could happen!" and I knew I had to steal it.
That's how I feel about 2015.  There are so many things we are hoping and praying and working on to make happen. I know they can't all happen (we probably can't buy a trip to Hawaii AND a new car AND a house AND a baby), but hey, it could happen.  Especially if Dustin can start making incentives at work with more patients.  And we'll see what we can do to make it happen.  There is a lot of potential for this year.

Here are the Creer resolutions for 2015:

•  Career: Dustin is loving his job and growing his patient base.  Of course, he could always use more patients.  If we can start making incentives this summer, we will be sitting pretty by the end of the year.  Our goal for him is to have a full schedule by the end of the year.  I'm just hoping to learn to love my job and then quit when Dustin's making the big bucks.  I'm working on trying to happy in this stage of life.  It can be tough sometimes when this job is really not what I want to be doing, but I'm working on it.
• Family: WE NEED TO GET A BABY STAT.  Seriously, I'm going crazy here.  I'm on the 4th month of clomid and so far it hasn't worked.  No detected ovulation the past three months.  I've also been on the supplements from Dr. Nielsen but I stopped taking the Vitex.  It's also called Chastetree because it KILLS your libido.  Add that to clomid's side effects and there is pretty much no desire to get it on.  With no gettin' it on, there's no baby.  So I stopped it.  We are meeting with a specialist at the Utah Fertility Center on the 20th.  I'm not sure what they'll want to do, but I'm willing to try IUI again and IVF if needed.  I just want to get a party started in my uterus ASAP (as my friend Alice Anne put it). :)
• Health: We completed a round of Whole30 in January and it was great! I lost 10 pounds, Dustin lost 15 (dang those boys losing weight so easily)! We wanted to transition to an every day lifestyle and it promptly went to crap when the new sushi restaurant opened in Heber and my coworker picked that as her birthday lunch choice.  After that it went downhill over the weekend so we are starting another round of Whole30 today.  We will finish just before we leave for an Anniversary trip to Arizona.  I also want to get us exercising more.  I'd love to join a gym but they are kinda pricey here.  Just Dance will have to cut it until we get a little more moolah.  But maybe my goal should be to get a gym membership.  We're dreaming big here people haha.
•  Wealth: I'd love to buy a house this year, and a car with 4 wheel drive before next winter.  And SAVE.  I'd also like to get student loans paid down as much as we can.  We'll have to start paying Dustin's loans next month and I'm nervous to know how much those payments will be.  I can't wait for his incentives at work to start!  Our definite goal is to get money saved and a down payment for a house.
• Spirit: I'd like to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover again.  I've become a slacker in my scripture reading.  I'm loving teaching our Sunday School class with Dustin and I have a goal this year to make it on time to church with our lesson ready and the Relief Society lesson read.
• Vacation: We didn't make it to Hawaii last year so I have vowed that we will go this year! With us both working and saving, we should be able to do it.  We are excited for a little mini vacation to Arizona in March to visit our friends the Clawsons and spend a night in Vegas on the way back.  We will be staying at The Bellagio with a fountain view room and I'm excited to check that off the bucket list!  While in Vegas we'll also catch a visit with Jeanette and Natalie.  

So there you have it, our 2015 goals.  We're hoping to thrive this year and find happiness every day.
Here's to making it happen!