Almost Perfect

I've been dreading writing this post for quite some time now, but I guess it's now or never so here goes.... Living the good life...

I've always said that I like odd numbers better than even numbers.... So with this year being 2011 and age 25, I knew it was bound to be an amazing year. Started out great with a good birthday, Boston work trip, Vegas anniversary, Phoenix racquetball nationals, Dustin's graduation, Cancun, and then a summer to work work work to save money for grad school. Of course, we still have good things going on this summer to look forward to-- family reunion in St. George for 4th of July, Portland trip mid July to find some where to live, East Canyon end of July, and then packing up in August and work work working some more! I'm excited to move to Portland this fall. It's a new adventure.

This year was going to be ending perfectly.... And here is where I wish my post could have gone something like this....

Definite positive April 18th

Happy Easter announcement!

10 week ultrasound

But I have to stop here and put more of what the picture at my 10 week ultrasound looked like....I know it's a super tiny picture and it's not even mine (they didn't let me keep any), but you can kinda see that at 10 weeks we found out that my baby wasn't going to be celebrating Christmas with us this year. Measuring 7 weeks. No heartbeat. This was my worst fear going to this appointment. Also, this appointment was the day before we left for our Mexico trip. Not great timing. To rule out any possibility that baby was just measuring small (and had no heartbeat?!?!), we scheduled a follow-up appointment for the next week.

I left for Mexico and was expecting to start bleeding at any second. Thankfully, that didn't happen and I was able to enjoy our vacation and just relax. The day after we got back, we went in for the follow-up and found that baby was still the same size, which is what I was expecting. It was definitely a miscarriage. I started bleeding the next day. Lucky for me, it wasn't painful. Then came blood test after blood test after blood test to make sure my HCG level was going down and that I was miscarrying it all.

With this miscarriage, I think it was a little bit easier for me to handle while I was going through it, as I was preparing for it for a week, instead of waking up with gushing blood one morning. But now.... I'm still having issues dealing with everything.... Especially when I keep hearing about all these other couples expecting a baby. I'm happy for them. But I'm completely jealous. And angry. And frustrated. And bitter. And trying to get over myself. It's hard. I know everyone has their own trials and everything, but I can't help but wish this wasn't mine.

This year would have seriously been the PERFECT year to end with a little one born in December. But now it's just almost perfect. It's still been good. And there are still good things to come in 2011/age 25. Maybe 3rd pregnancy will happen this year and will stick like a champ. I like odd numbers better anyway, right?

To help me cope with the loss and the pain and the hurt, with Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec (played by Amy Poehler) as my hero and role model, I have made a pros and cons list about having this miscarriage at this time. (I know, I know, I have serious mental issues) For every con, I'll list a pro. (not necessarily a pro that goes with the con, just something pro...)

Con: I miscarried at 11 weeks.

Pro: It only took 3 months (only 2 cycles!) to get pregnant again from the last miscarriage! I made it all the way to 11 weeks, which means I made it much further along so I'm progressing!

Con: I'm not having a baby in December

Pro: We can come home for Christmas! (except maybe not cuz grad school costs a bucketload... here's to hoping for a fantastic job out there! That's for another post though...)

Con: The shorts I bought for Mexico that I got one size too big so I could "grow into" them this summer totally don't fit any more. They are way too big.

Pro: Dustin was able to get the TV he wanted with his graduation money instead of a car seat, stroller, crib, and diapers x10. Also, I let us get iphones. i love my iphone.

Con: When we moved, I wasn't going to find a new job because a) who would want to hire someone 7 months prego and b) who would want to find a new job 7 months prego, knowing you're going to quit in 2 months?!? The con part is: now I have to find a job.

Pro: Because I'll find a job, we'll have money to survive... for at least the first year or so. After that we might starve/be homeless.

Con: Every time I look at a new baby or a pregnant woman, I get jealous.

Pro: I was able to handle Nathan and Adrienne and their new baby Elliott moving into the house while I was pregnant, and I grew to love Elliott instead of hate him because I wanted my own baby.

Con: I can't eat whatever I want any more and blame it on being pregnant.

Pro: Dustin and I have more time to spend together with just the two of us. I've said it a million bazillion times, but I'll say it again... I HAVE THE GREATEST HUSBAND EVER. And I'm the happiest when I get to spend time with just the two of us. I am so glad I get to be with him FOREVER.

I'll end with that pro cuz it's a good one. Am I ready to start trying again? Not really. Which is totally fine because we'll be moving in 3 months anyway and I will have time to settle in, get a new job, and get a good doctor who can hopefully add additional helps (progesterone/estrogen) and take good care of me. I don't want to end by saying that "every thing works out for the best" because honestly, this sucks. But I will end by saying that I am glad this year will be almost perfect because there is still the word perfect in it.

Oh, this has gotta be the good life...

Today i posted on my gratitude blog which i haven't done for MONTHS. It felt good. I have decided to change the name of this blog to "The Good Life" as I am looking for things to love in my life and to be happy. I'm working on making my life the good life as I find peace and happiness with my current situation and the situations to come. I have a good life. And I am grateful for it, even though I am not always happy with it. My new goal is to find the good in it always. So, thanks with the help of OneRepublic, my adventures are turning into the good life.

Let's face it... the adventures were boring. Let the good life begin.

Father's Day (and Mother's Day)

So I kinda missed the boat when everyone was writing posts about Mother's Day, so I'm combining the post with Father's Day (being today).

Dustin got his Father's Day present about a month early... a new bluray player to go with his new graduation TV. So Father's day was slightly anti-climatic for him. At church today all the men got homemade purple boutineers. That's right folks... purple. Not sure why the relief society couldn't have chosen blue, red, or even white flowers for the boutineers, but Dustin rocked the purple. :)

My mother's day was much more exciting. I got a Cricut! And I think it's super wonderful! I haven't used it an awful lot yet, but I am excited to get crafting away with it. On my mother's day, i also got to talk to my little brother Dallin on his mission in Japan. We made a big announcement to everyone so it would seem fitting to un-announce the big announcement on Father's day, but I'll save that for another post. I'd rather keep Father's day as a happy occasion instead of being a little sad like I have felt today.

I am so grateful for Dustin and what a WONDERFUL husband he is. Seriously, the best. I love him so so much and know that he will be a fantastic father when that lucky (and miraculous) day comes!

Hola Cancun!

A couple people have been asking for a Cancun post and I finally uploaded pics from the trip to my computer, so I guess it's about time to get writing! I'll give details of the trip and then an abundance of pictures, because I didn't know what to leave out and of course, I wanted to make you all jealous. Let me know if it worked. :)
Our trip was wonderful and very RELAXING, which is just what I wanted. It was so nice being able to just go to the beach, go to the pool, go eat when we wanted to, or just chill in our room if we felt like, instead of feeling obligated to go do something. We got to do absolutely nothing except relax and get some sun! We stayed at the Ocean Coral & Turquesa by H10 in Cancun. It was all inclusive and completely wonderful. Being a Privilege guest was awesome too. We had butler service, a privilege guest pool, our own section of the beach with little grass hut umbrellas, a waiter on said beach to bring us whatever drinks we wanted (all included), a jetted tub on our balcony, reservations to the restaurants, and oh, yeah, a privilege guest restaurant JUST for privilege guests!
My only complaint about this hotel was that the food was all just kinda... meh. They had a bunch of restaurants and a buffet, and nothing was particularly amazing. Except for the Japanese tepanyaki grill... that was pretty good! It was a show like what they put on here in Utah at Tepanyaki or Sakura, and that was really fun with really good food. They also had an Italian Restaurant (which was good, i liked my food more than Dustin liked his), Mexican, American Sports Grill, the Buffet (which had good breakfast!), and The Fusion, which was the privilege restaurant. Our last night there we had a lobster dinner at the Fusion and the lobster tasted good, but it was a WHOLE FREAKING lobster. Like, head still on with boiled eyes looking at you. Kinda made it a little gross. Mexico is weird.
One of the best things about Mexico was the Coke!!! I have NEVER been a Coke drinker, but it was so dang good. Yes, we enjoyed specialty drinks such as a Miami Vice (half strawberry daiquiri, half pina colada), but the Coke was amazing. And I drank a lot of it.
On our third day in Mexico, we took a snorkeling trip. They took us out on a boat to a deep water part of the reef and the fish there were okay, but not a lot to look at. Then we got back on the boat and went to the shallow water reef area and that was AWESOME. There were tons of fish there. Our guide even fed the fish so they would get real close and we could pet them. It was really cool. The fish and the reef were beautiful. We then got back on the boat and went back to shore for some lunch. The staff was really friendly and our glasses were never empty. We then had the option to go back out for a 3rd area, but we were kinda tired (snorkeling is good exercise!), the sun was just right, the beach was so lovely, and the Coke was so refreshing, that we stayed on the beach. It was a fun trip and I'm really glad we got to go! It was Dustin's first time snorkeling, and it was definitely a better experience for me than when I went in Hawaii! (that's another story...) The last two days were just spent soaking up the sun and spending as much time on the beach or at the pool as we could. It was kinda sad to have to come back home, knowing we'd be back to work and that another vacation like this wouldn't happen for quite some time. Now we're back to boring life before the big more in September. And as soon as grad school starts, we'll be poor as dirt. So I'm glad we got to live it up while we could. :)
Now for some pictures!!!
Here is the view from our balcony. The walk way on the right leads to the beach (20 steps away). The walk way on the left leads to our privilege pool, for privilege guests only (20 steps away). It was the perfect location! Quiet, close to the beach and pool, and beautiful!


Here is our balcony two person jetted tub. Which our butler would fill if we wanted. And we did. Hahahaha. The even put a little bottle of shampoo in it which made it SUPER bubbly. It was awesome!
Didn't you know that Michael Jordan was number 32 for the Bulls?!?!? Bawahahaha. We thought this statue in their "American" sports grill was hilarious. Especially because my favorite number is 23... obviously Michael Jordan's REAL number.
On Friday night they had the Mexican street vendors come to US! With all the bartering and excitement that comes with it! If you've been to Hawaii, you may be familiar with the cool spray paint picture painting techniques... there was a guy in our little market that did that and it was so cool! All these pictures were done in about 2 minutes and done completely with spray paint.
Here's the beach at our snorkeling trip. Look at that water!!! It's beautiful! The boat was the one that took us out to snorkel. And the guys in the pink shirts were the staff that brought us lots of Coke. :)

At the snorkeling trip.

Our Privilege Exclusive beach area. Here is where you enter serenity and bliss. :)
The privilege area pool. La Petit Creperie was right next to it with snacks in the afternoon and pizza and crepes at night! Our pool had this cool jetted chairs built in, but they aren't on right now so you can't see them in action. Sorry!
Dustin and I waiting for our dinner reservation at Sensai, the Japanese restaurant with the tepanyaki grill.
Our grass hut umbrellas on our beach with our "upgraded" chairs. :) The umbrella had a little table thing so the waiter could bring us ice buckets with bottled water and any drink of our choosing.
You can see the jets going in the pool in this picture! This is a view from La Petite Creperie. The pool, the ocean, the palm trees... heaven.
We made a little friend while eating lunch at La Petite Creperie. This is a tejon. It looks like a mix between a badger, raccoon, anteater, and a cat. It would come up to the eating area at the same time every day and eat everyone's left over fries and nachos.
I took pictures of someone's wedding. It was right there on the privilege beach and it was so pretty that I couldn't resist. I vote that my next friend/relative getting married (not in the temple) should get married on a beach like this. It was the prettiest backdrop ever. Congrats Brad and Janie. Whoever you are.
We ordered room service one day and got a brownie. I was so excited that they decorated the plate with a white chocolate TREBLE CLEF! Adorable.
The view of the sunset (as best as we could get) from our last night while eating our lobster at The Fusion. It was a beautiful place and a fantastic vacation!!