The 7 year itch

I guess blog posts are bound to decrease when one cancels their internet at home....
But here I am!  Because there's been a lot on my mind lately.
Today is our 7 year anniversary.  And I don't have anything gooshy or lovey dovey to share.  But I have been thinking a lot about being married for 7 years and about our infertility.  It's been hard lately.
A year ago on our anniversary we were celebrating in Mesa and Vegas started another round of fertility treatments as soon as we got home.  It had been a big break in treatments (since seeing the terrible specialist in Portland) and I was excited for what the year would bring.  During that month's treatment cycle we did the water ultrasound and found Phyllis.  Dang you Phyllis.  Surgery was in April and then we started a fertility round the very next month in May.  Which was no dice.  Things got crazy when I switched jobs in June, signed our contract for building our house in July, and then Dustin got a new job in August and started it in September.
It was a wild summer and by the time things calmed down, we felt that it wasn't the right timing for treatments that fall.  So we waited until winter.  And things felt good again.  So we did a monitored "timed intercourse" cycle that started the very end of December and boy was I surprised when I had FOUR follicles ready for ovulation. They asked if I wanted to proceed because there was a much higher chance of multiples and I said "bring it on!" Well, none of them took.  So we did another round end of January and this time asked our family to fast with us.  Because fertility treatments are hard.  And emotional.  And a financial burden.  That round brought one perfectly ready follicle but again, no luck.
Of course in the middle of this cycle, the {crap} hit the fan.  Our house will be ready in April and our down payment will be due.  We did our taxes and turns out when you start making twice as much money as before (with two incomes vs one that we had had for so long while Dustin was in school), you have to change your tax exemptions or you owe (and you owe a lot).  Again, due mid April.  And then Dustin ruptured his Achilles playing basketball.  Thankfully we didn't have to do surgery, saving us over $3000 that would also most likely be due in April, but it was still an added expense.  Proof once again that things come in 3's. 
So with all that was going on, I didn't feel like we could continue treatments at this time.  Which sucks.
I distinctly remember when we were first trying to get pregnant, I had a conversation with a coworker who told me her sister finally adopted after trying to get pregnant for 7 years.  And I thought to myself, "there's NO WAY I would wait that long to adopt!"  Well guess what.  It's been about 7 years.  And guess what.  Adoption isn't even on our radar.  I know people are trying to be nice and friendly when they hear our story and then immediately ask if we are going to adopt, but it drives me crazy.  I have nothing against adoption, but it has NEVER felt right.  And with how hard adoption is, I can't feel good about investing that much emotionally and financially for something that doesn't feel right.  You gotta be in the right mindset and I'm not.  I'm so open about our infertility so I'd be open about our adoption plans too.  So please.  If you're wanting to ask, don't.  And if we are going to adopt, I promise I'll let you know.
I wish I could say that I knew exactly what the plan is, but I don't.  I'm tired of trying and failing.  I'm tired of getting my hopes up on a good cycle only for the news to be bad.  I'm tired of having to defend myself when people ask why we don't have kids or when we're going to start our family.  It's hard guys.  And I don't think I can emotionally handle it anymore.  So I think I'm taking a break.  A break from fertility treatments.  At least for a little while.  A break to work on myself and finding my zen.  To find inner peace and really figure out what we're supposed to do.  I know we're supposed to have a family, I just don't know when or how.  We'll figure it out.  And until then, I will work on me.  Because that's all I can control.  And because I need to be happy and willing to accept whatever the answer is.
So happy 7 years to us.  To all we've gone through and all we will continue to go through in the next 7 years.  It's not always easy but I'm so grateful that at the end of the day, I have my best friend and lover with me. And if it's just us forever, I can probably be ok with that.  Because I really like him.  And he makes me happy.

March 2014 Date of the Month and Anniversary Weekend

Dustin's first official date of the month planned on his own!

Brianne,

Off with the "training" wheels! Our marriage is on the right "track".

Love,

Dustin

March's date of the month took us to the Oregon Rail Heritage Center for a train ride down to the Sellwood area.

All Aboard!

Views of the Willamette River

It was a beautiful day and it was nice to see so many families biking or walking along the trail.  They all liked to wave as the train went by.

Dustin wanted a picture with the big train wheel.  It was really big.

After the Railroad, we picked up gluten free cupcakes as anniversary treats from New Cascadia Traditional Bakery.  They were delish!

The next part of our date wasn't really train related, but we wanted to visit Multnomah Falls and have dinner at the Lodge for our anniversary.

 We hiked up to the bridge and had to stop because the bridge had a huge chunk missing.  A rock fell or something due to the snowmaggedon.  Crazy!

Happy 5 year anniversary!

The date ended at home watching the movie Unstoppable.  What a great train movie!
I can't believe how fast the past 5 years has gone by.  I'm so lucky to be married to such a wonderful man that is so kind, smart, and loving.  I'm looking forward to this next year of marriage and the new stage of life we'll move into with graduation coming up.

February 2014 Date of the Month

We've been able to take a beach trip every March for our anniversary while we've lived in Portland, but this year we went to Utah to job search in March. So our beach trip came a month early and counts as our February date of the month. 

A beach trip essential

We took a weekend getaway to Lincoln City Valentine's Day weekend.  It was super windy!!! And rainy!! But we still had a good time.  We only made it to the beach for a walk Sunday morning for a little while due to the weather, but we enjoyed time shopping and relaxing.

 

We escaped the storm by enjoying a sushi lunch

A stormy walk on the beach

We took a lot of pictures trying to get a good one. This awful one was probably the best

I hope this isn't our last beach trip while we're here.  I think with family come out to visit this summer, we'll sneak at least one more in.

4.0

This March we celebrated our 4 year anniversary.  It was a busy week with overtime at work and Dustin prepping for board examinations, but we made sure to celebrate a little. We thought about going to dinner and a movie on our actual anniversary, but decided that we were too tired for both so we just went to Cheesecake Factory and then home to bed.

Dustin gave me a new purse I picked out a few months earlier and I gave Dustin our March date of the month:

 Dustin, 

Our love is no joke.

Love,

Brianne

Dustin couldn't wait until Brian Regan to eat the Laffy Taffys, hence the opened bag.  The date pack included Laffy Taffy, an Old Chicago gift card (because Calzones are no joke... which is an inside joke of ours), and tickets to Brian Regan the next week, at the end of finals, which was a perfect day for celebration.

Once again, due to overtime at work, we only had time for a quick bite to eat before heading out to the Schnitzer  Auditorium for Brian Regan.

One of the famous Portland signs.  If you ever see Portlandia, it's part of the opening segment.

Dustin excited for some Brian Regan.

 You're technically not supposed to take pictures in the auditorium so we felt like rebels.  Of course a whole bunch of people were taking pictures, but we tried to be sneaky about it.

I can't believe how fast time has flown but I'm so happy for the 4 years of marriage and for forever more years to come!!

Celebrating 3 years of love

Before heading out for our anniversary weekend outing!

March 14th was a our 3rd anniversary! I tried to pack a punch of surprises for my wonderful husband.

I started the morning by surprising Dustin with a mixed cd titled "Love you like a long song baby" featuring songs representing the past 3 years our life, a PS I Love You shower gel, and a box of 36 KitKats, one for each month we have been married! Though I'm sure those KitKats will be gone in about a month.

We celebrated by going out to dinner at a place called Osaka House in Vancouver. It's a Tepanyaki type Japanese restaurant that we had a groupon for and it was... meh. Hahahaha. A little disappointing and just made us CRAVE the real Tepanyaki restaurant in Utah. We also got cupcakes because Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes are a tradition for our anniversary, but there is no Sweet Tooth Fairy here. And we miss her. :( The cupcakes were actually disappointing, much like the dinner.

Because the dinner and cupcakes were disappointing, we went to Sonic for giant Dr. Peppers with Vanilla and to Sheridans for some amazing frozen custard. Definitely made up for the disappointments.

For the weekend I surprised Dustin by coming home from work early and told him to pack an overnight bag for a stay at the Portland White House bed and breakfast! So here is a flooding of pictures of our room, bathroom with a jacuzzi tub and double headed shower, chocolates, and homemade cookies!

For dinner we went to Stanford's by the Lloyd Center. It was SOOOO good. Delicious prime rib and baby back ribs. I got a pic of the ribs but the prime rib was gone before I could snap a picture. It was just that good.

We went and saw Wicked at the Keller Auditorium and it was SO Awesome! I love that show. Love it. I wanted to cry when it started cuz I was so excited. I snuck a picture before it started... shh, don't tell.... it's a horrible picture, but... it's a picture!

We ventured into downtown Portland on St. Patrick's Day for a relaxing couples massage. It was way nice! The spa was underground, nice and quiet. We were greeted with strawberries and chocolate, rose petals on the massage tables, and felt so relaxed! Then we went to Tigard for some Godiva chocolate and Cheesecake Factory!

Mango Key Lime Cheesecake.... heaven in my mouth!

My last surprise for Dustin was that I woke up early the day ticket sales started and bought us tickets to a Mariners vs. Red Sox game this summer up in Seattle. His two favorite teams! Now the only tricky part will be figuring out what to wear! Mariners gear or Red Sox?! Not that they're the best seats ever (hey, we're still poor grad students!), but they are pretty good seats... First base view, row 1 (in our upper section), seats 1 & 2. I'm the best wife ever. Just sayin'.

My man's still smiling after 3 years of awesome. I love you baby and I'm excited for the next 3 + forever years to come!

Nationals

Sorry, it's been a while, we've been having too much fun!!

In March we took a trip down to Vegas for our 2nd Anniversary! Can you believe it's already been two years?! We stayed at the fantastic Trump Tower and I LOVED The Phantom of the Opera. It was amazing.

Cupcakes from a place in Vegas called Gigi's. Yes, there really was a TON of frosting.

Last Monday, April 4th, we welcomed new baby Elliot Carter Jack, son of Nathan and Adrienne.

Dustin also left for racquetball nationals down in Phoenix that day and I followed two days later, booking a last minute trip to go see him play! It was so much fun to see him compete and to spend time with him! Best last minute decision I could have made! There was a lot of racquetball, but we also got to spend time exploring the area a little. We went in to Mesa and visited the Temple, went to a Diamond Backs game in Phoenix, and got to know ASU Campus Rec Center REALLY well. Though I have to say, it's a really nice rec center!

Dustin placed 4th in singles and 3rd in doubles in his division. Guys, this is NATIONAL ranking! So he did really well! I was very proud of him! I got to see him play really well and also not so well, but it was great fun! The UVU Racquetball team is awesome! The team as a whole ranked 7th Nationally. (they even beat BYU's team) Way to go!

I also got to go to lunch with old roomies Brittany and Janessa and it was so good to see their new babies and spend time with them!!!

We are now on the final countdown to graduation and the chain is up....

The first set of links hanging down are the countdown to graduation and the links looped are the countdown to CANCUN! Which, by the way, is in 36 days from today. So excited! We can hardly wait!