Snowmaggedon

One of the things I was looking forward to the most about moving to Portland was the idea of eternal spring- warmer winters and rain instead of snow.  So far it's been pretty close to that, but every couple of years they get a bunch of snow, and this was one of those years.
The snow started Thursday while I was at work so I hurried up and finished my check  batch to get home before it got outta control. 

Dustin's school was closed for the afternoon as well so we spent the rest of the day together watching the news which was really just the weather and funny live shots with cars sliding.
Friday morning I woke up and turned on the news to see if I should go into work or not. The overall news report said that if you don't have to go outside, then don't!  So I called in.  Dustin's school was canceled too.  Snow day! We ventured outside in the afternoon to build a snowman with the Jones then warmed up inside with hot cocoa while watching the Olympics.

Do you wanna build a snowman?

It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!

 

Saturday continued to snow so it was another day inside.  By the afternoon we got the news that church was canceled.  That is something that never happened in Utah!  What was crazy was the wind that would whip all the snow around and make it seem much worse than it probably was.  Saturday night the storm turned to freezing rain which made crazy treecicles and caused the backyard neighbor's tree to stoop down all the way to our deck. Saturday night I started a new quilt with some adorable fabric I got a while ago. 

Comparison shot to where the tree should be, 10ish feet away, to where it landed on our deck from the weight of the ice.

Sunday morning we woke up jumping when my phone went off with the emergency alert loud buzz.  Portland strongly urged everyone to stay indoors due to the ice.

I worked on the quilt for a while and by the afternoon we were ready to get out of the house to do anything! We took a walk outside to pick up the mail and see the effects of the freezing rain.  A shield of ice covered our car completely covering one side and leaving the other dry.  So crazy!  Over all we got about 6 inches of snow and a nice layer of ice. 
Monday morning "The Big Thaw" started so while Dustin's school was still canceled, I went to work late with Dustin driving me.  Pretty sure I wouldn't have made it out of our parking lot on my own!  The snow was quickly turning to some nasty slush making driving still a pain. Monday night Dustin and I got our workout in by shoveling the slush in our parking lot to make it easier to get out the next morning.
By Tuesday we were almost back to normal...

 and by Wednesday it all seemed like just a bad dream!

Crazy how different Oregon snow is from Utah snow.  So much icier!  And it was very fluffy and light, which made it hard to make a snowman because it wouldn't pack into a ball.
Glad we safely survived the storm and had plenty of food, water, and warmth!  It was wonderful to spend a few days together with just the two of us.  It was a much needed break from school for Dustin and a good time together with no where to go.

Let it go - I wanna see you be brave

I haven't written in my journal yet tonight, but I have a feeling my entry will go something like this:

Today was a rough day.  Maybe I'm just tired. I know I'm tired. I have so much anger in me.  So much sadness.
I don't know how to express my anger.  I don't know how to get rid of it.  Let it Go was my song for this morning. I need to learn to let things go, to not take them so personally.  It's so hard sometimes.  I don't know the reasoning behind some people's decisions and I will probably never know.  Which means I need to let it go. I can't hold the anger inside.  It's not healthy and I don't like it.
Sara Bareilles got me through this afternoon.  I love her.  I wish I knew when things were going to happen in my life.  If I could pick a super power, I would pick to know the future. I keep thinking about what I want to do with  my life... what I should do when Dustin graduates, gets a kick-a job and we move to said kick-a job, wherever that may be.  And I don't know what I want to do.  I have 5 years experience in Accounting but no Accounting degree to go with it.  I am dang good at what I do but I fear no one will hire me at the level and pay-grade I deserve, based on education.  My Bachelors degree is worthless.  So then what, do I go to school to get an Accounting degree? I don't really want to... I don't want to do Accounting forever.  What do I want to do?  I want to have babies.  I want to be a mom.  That has always been my dream job.
Enter sadness and anger about infertility.  I wish I knew when and how we are going to start our family.   I don't know if I will ever be able to get pregnant and keep the pregnancy.  It hasn't happened yet.  And doctors haven't given me any answers as to why.  I have seen and heard so many pregnancy/birth announcements lately and while I am truly happy for these people for the fact alone that they don't have to go through this hell, I am at the same time devastated for my own current misery of infertility.
I don't want sympathy.  Sometimes you just need to hear "I'm sorry, that sucks" instead of "the sun will come out tomorrow".  I know in the end that we will get through this and see how blessed we have been and how great our lives are from this learning experience.  But in the darkness of it right now it sucks.  And I want out.  I want it to end. I want to plan my life and progress.
So for now I have hard days and I listen to Sara Bareilles and feel a little better. I go home at the end of a long work day and hug my wonderful husband tightly and cry a little.  I go to bed early to wake up and take on another day.  But for now...
"Now I'm just a basket case."

**Update** In case you feel inspired to make my day a little better, commenting with YouTube links of something funny/adorable is sure to do it such as this one. Thank you Vicky for brightening my day. :)

November Date of the Month

 

Dustin,

Let's get physical

Love,

Brianne

The Saturday after Thanksgiving we participated in the Winter Wonderland at the Portland International Raceway.  

 Similar to Spanish Fork's Festival of Lights, they adorn the 2 mile raceway with Christmas lights  and before opening it up for cars to drive through, they put on a race! The weather was pretty good- not raining, just cold- so we bundled up and headed out to the raceway!

I took a few selfies on the way over because I was intrigued by this bald look.  Made me miss my long hair

Bundled up and ready to rock

While there were some cool parts in the light display like the whole 12 days of Christmas, I was disappointed with PIR.  SF's are just way better... way more.  The ones at the PIR were far too spread out. But we had a good time walking and occasionally jogging around the track getting a little workout in. We signed up to do 4 miles but my plantar fasciitis had us done after 2 miles.  Here we are pretending that we're super worn out... we're not, just in foot pain.

 

October Date of the Month

 Dustin,

Are you game for love?

Love,

Brianne

Somehow October escaped us and the date of the month was pushed to the first weekend in November.  Oops.  At least we made up for it!
October's date of the month was all about games.  Dustin received a new Wii-U game, Super Luigi Brothers U.  We enjoyed some quality Nintendo gaming time during the afternoon.  What man doesn't love some good Nintendo time?

The plan was to see Ender's Game at Cinetopia, but we were invited to my cousin Connor's birthday dinner that was the same time as the movie....  No big deal, we just changed our movie to Free Birds at a time that worked. :)  Turkeys are game, right?  Like hunting game?  Maybe it was a stretch but I'm glad we were able to fit everything in.  Plus we got to enjoy it in a movie parlor theater. So comfy and cozy.

September date of the month

Dustin,

There's no place like home!

Love,

Brianne

The final four in the Bachelor/Bachelorette get to take their suitor to meet the family and explore their hometowns. So with Bachelor style date of the months, we had to fit a hometown date in!  We have been homesick for Utah so we did the best we could from far away.
First stop was lunch at Bajio's.   We miss Cafe Rio but were super excited when we learned that Clackamas has a Bajio's! Yum yum!

Salem Utah was originally named "Pond Town" because well, that's about all we have in Salem.  But it's an amazingly beautiful pond.  See?

 It's so pretty!  Dustin and I checked out an apartment complex in Fairview and it had a beautiful pond just like Salem! Ducks and everything!

I was so happy and wanted to move in right away! But we ended up not. :(

Spanish Fork is big for their baseball.  Dustin loves baseball and played it (and just about every other sport) growing up, so we hit up the batting cages down the street.

Dustin rocking his Red Sox jacket at Fenway Park.  I was too scared to try the batting cages (the balls move so fast!!) but Dustin had a great time.
And what's a Utah hometown date without a BYU football game!

Last part of the date was at the local drive-in style Burger joint for some "Glade's" crinkle fries and "Barry's" FlavorBurst ice cream cones.  Gotta love Spanish Fork's dives!

The best part is that we actually got to go home for a few days the next week. :)
While we miss Utah and being close to our families, we are making Portland Home Sweet Home.

It's Great to be 28!

I was not looking forward to this birthday.  While 27 could still be considered mid twenties and is closer to 25 than 30, 28 is definitely late twenties and closer to 30.  I'm getting old.  Sometimes I feel like a baby and sometimes I feel like an old lady.  This is a weird stage in life, especially with all the uncertainties of this year.  But after talking with my good friend Vicky, she convinced me that just like it's "great to be 8" (our baptism preview slogan for Primary), it's great to be 28!  I'll keep that as my motto this year and try to feel youthful while I can. :)

My birthday was a great day!  Every year while working at House of Antique Hardware, I've brought in birthday treats because they all love my baking.  This year instead of cupcakes, I did a chocolate sheet cake with peanut butter frosting found from Our Best Bites here.  I received rave reviews from my coworkers about it, one even called it heaven. While I thought it was good, I thought the frosting belonged more on brownies than cake, but that's just my opinion.

I went to work in the morning and stopped at Starbucks (which never happens though I often want to) for a Caramel Apple Spice- my favorite!  The morning was good, typical work routine. My boss brought me in a birthday balloon and candle with a card.  She is an awesome boss.  I also received a lovely bouquet of tulips sent from my parents.  I was just about to clock out for lunch when Dustin surprised me by showing up at my work! He was supposed to be in clinic but clocked out to join me for lunch.  We went to Jersey Mike's for a free birthday sandwich along with my coworker Kelly.

After lunch Dustin told me he was going to play hooky for the rest of the day so I decided to join him.  We spent the afternoon together watching Downton Abbey, getting the house ready for the night, and just relaxing, which is my idea of a perfect afternoon!

 For dinner we went down to Clackamas to Bajio's which isnt' as good as Cafe Rio, but it's the closest we got here in Oregon!  Plus Thursdays are their small salad special. :)  We had dinner with a few friends and my aunt, uncle, and cousins (thanks for dinner Art and Sheri!)

 and then came to my house joined by some more friends for cake and ice cream.  Thanks Vicky for the freaking delicious chocolate fudgy cake!

Birthday presents this year included adorable new oven mitts, a 2 inch (think big honkin cookies) cookie scoop, a 2nd Kitchenaid bowl, new heels, and a Sephora gift card. Thanks love! You did great this year. (not that I bought most of those myself haha...)

 We ended the night watching the first part of Sleepless in Seattle, but it turned out that we weren't sleepless at all  and were falling asleep, so we changed it up by watching my favorite shows Parks and Rec and Parenthood.  Side bar- does anyone else watch (and LOVE) the show Parenthood??!!  I am in love with Christina's hair right now and also really mad at Joel.  This show makes me cry almost every single episode. If you don't watch it, you should.

Anyway, it was a great birthday and it's

GREAT

to be 

28!!

Hello there

Hello there.

It's been a while.  And while I could insert all sorts of lame excuses at this time, the truth is that things have been really hard for me.
2013 was all about kicking it in the face and making it epic.  And I think we did a pretty good job.  But it kicked back.  October through December was really really hard for me.  Sometimes I would just melt down and cry and all I could say to Dustin was, "I'm just having a really hard time."  That's the only way I knew how to put it.
Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was the stresses of work and school and feeling like I couldn't see Dustin very much. Maybe it knowing that we had gone a full year with no form of fertility treatment and there was no progression. Maybe it was Satan. Maybe I was too depressed to continue my healthy lifestyle and therefore started gaining weight back. Maybe I am psychotic and mentally unstable.
Probably all of the above.
All in all, the end of the year was really hard for me.  I've thought of so many different blog posts I've been meaning to write. I wrote them all in my head a dozen times or so, just never on here.  How do you tell the internet world that you're having a hard time? That you're struggling but you're not sure with what? How do you let yourself open up and be vulnerable?  But yet at the same time share all the amazing and fun experiences you're having? Because we did some really great stuff. Just seemed to contradict each other.
I've been vulnerable before and it was hard, but there were rewards that came with it.
So here I am now, ready to talk (kinda).  I will probably not post all the things I originally wanted to post at the end of the year.  I will post dates of the month because I want to remember those.  There may be other posts to catch up on here and there.
I don't intend to make it a goal this year to increase my blogging.  At tithing settlement in December my Bishop encouraged us to journal.  I got a daily planner and have committed myself to write each day. I love that I just have a page to write each day. I hated journaling before because I felt like I had to write some epic life experience for posterity to read and learn or laugh about.  But now I'm just writing about the day- what we did, ate, watched, read,etc. And I'm enjoying it.  It's real life.  So instead of increasing blogging, I'm increasing personal journaling.  And we'll take it from there.
I've felt happier this month.  Maybe it's the journaling. Maybe it's the unusual January sunshine. Maybe it's cuz I made it through 2013. Maybe it's because this is the year of graduation and I can see a light at the end of the grad school tunnel.  Maybe it's because I'm learning to be happy with myself.
Probably all of the above.
So here's to getting through those really hard days and making each real life boring day a good one.