Let it go - I wanna see you be brave

I haven't written in my journal yet tonight, but I have a feeling my entry will go something like this:

Today was a rough day.  Maybe I'm just tired. I know I'm tired. I have so much anger in me.  So much sadness.
I don't know how to express my anger.  I don't know how to get rid of it.  Let it Go was my song for this morning. I need to learn to let things go, to not take them so personally.  It's so hard sometimes.  I don't know the reasoning behind some people's decisions and I will probably never know.  Which means I need to let it go. I can't hold the anger inside.  It's not healthy and I don't like it.
Sara Bareilles got me through this afternoon.  I love her.  I wish I knew when things were going to happen in my life.  If I could pick a super power, I would pick to know the future. I keep thinking about what I want to do with  my life... what I should do when Dustin graduates, gets a kick-a job and we move to said kick-a job, wherever that may be.  And I don't know what I want to do.  I have 5 years experience in Accounting but no Accounting degree to go with it.  I am dang good at what I do but I fear no one will hire me at the level and pay-grade I deserve, based on education.  My Bachelors degree is worthless.  So then what, do I go to school to get an Accounting degree? I don't really want to... I don't want to do Accounting forever.  What do I want to do?  I want to have babies.  I want to be a mom.  That has always been my dream job.
Enter sadness and anger about infertility.  I wish I knew when and how we are going to start our family.   I don't know if I will ever be able to get pregnant and keep the pregnancy.  It hasn't happened yet.  And doctors haven't given me any answers as to why.  I have seen and heard so many pregnancy/birth announcements lately and while I am truly happy for these people for the fact alone that they don't have to go through this hell, I am at the same time devastated for my own current misery of infertility.
I don't want sympathy.  Sometimes you just need to hear "I'm sorry, that sucks" instead of "the sun will come out tomorrow".  I know in the end that we will get through this and see how blessed we have been and how great our lives are from this learning experience.  But in the darkness of it right now it sucks.  And I want out.  I want it to end. I want to plan my life and progress.
So for now I have hard days and I listen to Sara Bareilles and feel a little better. I go home at the end of a long work day and hug my wonderful husband tightly and cry a little.  I go to bed early to wake up and take on another day.  But for now...
"Now I'm just a basket case."

**Update** In case you feel inspired to make my day a little better, commenting with YouTube links of something funny/adorable is sure to do it such as this one. Thank you Vicky for brightening my day. :)