#3

When we got back from our Utah trip and my cold decided to get worse, we decided it was time to see a doctor.  Though we weren't on any fertility treatments and I was so sick all during December that it seemed like there was no possible way to be pregnant, I was late for my period so I thought that I should take a test, just in case the doctor would prescribe something, I just figured we should know.

So I peed on a stick.  And it was positive!  I couldn't believe it at all!  Here we just spent a butt load of money in November/December for an IUI that didn't work and then after not even trying AT ALL, we got pregnant?!? I  was pretty much in shock and disbelief.

I had some cramping and spotting that week so I wasn't sure if it would stick around, but was excited at this possibility.  I made an appointment at a new OBGYN that was recommended to me and told them I had some cramping and spotting.  They said that I should stay off my feet as much as possible and if it got worse, I should go to the ER.

The doctor wasn't able to do much for my cold besides tell me to rest, prescribed some cough medicine and antibiotics but told me to hold off on them.  After spending the weekend relaxing and watching movies, crying during Avengers (thank you hormones), on Sunday I finally started believing that we were actually pregnant.  And started to get excited.

Monday I started bleeding. Which is obviously not a good sign if you're pregnant.  I called the office again to see if I could actually talk to a nurse but all they said was to go to the ER so they could run tests and stuff to see why I was bleeding.  I really didn't want to pay that copay and bill but then I figured, hey, if we really do have a baby this year, we're going to meet our max out of pocket anyway, so I guess this would just be a head start.

I have NEVER been to the hospital for myself.  Well, now I have, but I hadn't before this, so it was a new experience!  We waited to go until after work because I wasn't going to miss work when I knew they couldn't change anything with whatever outcome would be.  So after work we went and checked in to the ER.  They took my vitals, took some blood and some pee, and gave us a room (of course, there's lots of waiting in between all these events) where they did an exam and said that my cervix was still closed (good for being pregnant).  Then after a long wait and some Big Bang Theory, we got an ultrasound where they couldn't see much... Our ultrasound tech was really cool.  She had a baby and then couldn't conceive again so they ended up adopting.  She told us that we were a breath of fresh air.  She gets tired of the crappy women that come in that are on their 15th pregnancy and don't want the baby or say they will abort the baby if it's a boy or whatever.  We were a nice, normal, married couple and that was refreshing for her.  It felt good to hear that.

Then we were transported back to my room where we got the results of my bloodwork which said my HCG level was low (in the 20's), which confirms that I was pregnant, but not a good number for where someone almost 6 weeks should be (in the 1000's.) and said I would probably  miscarry.  So we were discharged and instructed to schedule a followup with my new OBGYN.

Tuesday the bleeding got worse and I'll spare you the details but I'm pretty sure I miscarried the baby Thursday morning.  My followup appointment was that day and the doctor was really nice. I think I'll like going to him.  He ordered some bloodwork for me to check the HCG levels, make sure it's all the way back down to 0 to make sure I've miscarried it all.  Also told me to call and let my doctor from Oregon Reproductive Medicine know that I got pregnant and miscarried. 

We're still waiting to hear back about my HCG levels, but I'm pretty sure I passed everything.  I really don't want to have to get a D&C!

It was such a surprise that we got pregnant on our own and I hope it's a good sign for this year that maybe we'll be able to get pregnant on our own again!  I'm hoping that with my thyroid where it's supposed to be at, we may be able to have success... and hopefully we'll be able to keep that baby in there!  3 miscarriages is not a great track record, but this is the first pregnancy achieved without any kind of fertility help whatsoever.

Here's to hoping no more trips to the ER but many more trips to the OBGYN!

Kicking 2013 in the face

We were lucky enough to have a dang good reason to head home for the holidays this last year-- My brother Dallin got married to his beautiful bride Becky!

We left for Utah on Christmas Eve but unfortunately started the trip with a stomach bug.  And when I say we, I mean me.  I always made fun of those barf bags that are on planes but oh man, were they needed.  Gross.  Luckily the bug didn't last long and I was feeling much better by Christmas!

We were spoiled getting to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with the Creers.  We love and miss our families so much, but we thoroughly enjoyed the time that we got to spend with them!  Utah is just home.   Probably always will be.  As we drove down Spanish Fork main street we said to each other, "Man, we're doomed to spend the rest of our lives here."  You can't beat home.

Most of our other time was spent in wedding preparations or being sick. For Dallin and Becky's wedding gift, I made their wedding cake.  It was a vanilla cake with raspberry filling and buttercream frosting.  The cake was delicious and I think the design turned out ok, but it was stressful!!!  After spending 2 whole days working on the cake, I decided that when I open my bakery someday, it will definitely be a cupcakery and NOT a full out bakery.  Wedding cakes are not my forte.

Preparing the cake....

Wedding cakes

Top Tier

Middle Tier

Bottom Tier

Groom's Cake

This couple is quite the quirky couple so their cake toppers were a luchadore and ninja turtle, reminiscent of their first date.  Dallin was really into dinosaurs when he was a kid and always said he wanted to be a dinosaur when he grew up so we thought it would be fun to make him a dinosaur groom's cake.  That was a fun cake to make. :) It turned out to be a great wedding and we are so happy for them!

We also loved getting to meet little Miss Audrey.  She is such a beautiful, happy, smiley baby! We're so happy that Nathan and Adrienne were able to bless Audrey while everyone was there and that Ginelle was able to give her mission "farewell" talk.

Soon after the wedding, the cough/sinus/cold hit which was no fun.  It lasted all the way til when we got back home and then hit even harder for a few days.  Thankfully we are feeling much better now and working on kicking 2013 in the face.  Yep, this year is going to be epic.  We are going to make it epic.  It has already proven to be quite the year of drama, but we got this.  January has already given us a miscarriage (please see this post for reference) and Dustin's mom Analee found out that she had a huge cancerous tumor in her leg.  She had surgery to have it removed this week and they were able to remove most of it, but some of it was attached to a main nerve.  The doctors are meeting together this week to decide how to best proceed with further treatment and hopefully Analee will soon be cancer free! Kinda scary.  But we got this.  See? Kicking 2013 in the face.  It can throw whatever it wants at us, but we are going to fight back.  This year WILL be epic.  You ready for it?

December

December is quite the month! It is flying by and filled to the brim as we get ready to head home for the holidays for a little break.  We don't fly out until Christmas Eve morning and I'm hoping and praying that everything goes ok with the flights (we fly to Reno for a small layover before landing in SLC) so we make it time for family Christmas Eve fun!

This Monday was Dustin's birthday which we celebrated by going to a Portland Trailblazers basketball game vs the Toronto Raptors.  It was a fun game and the Blazers won which is always nice.  We also celebrated D-man's birthday by seeing The Hobbit in Real 3D with Dolby Atmos sound at the Cinetopia in Vancouver.  It was so unreal!  The video and picture quality was just... crazy awesome.  The movie was pretty good too, but I was mostly amazed by the imaging. 

In case I didn't mention it before, in October our ward got a new primary presidency and I was called to be 2nd counselor.  It has been fun but also made me SUPER busy!  Between learning what the heck we're supposed to be doing, cub scouts, sharing time, and planning a meet and greet breakfast for the beginning of the year, every night is booked!  But I work in an awesome presidency and we are learning quickly. 

It's crazy how sick this world is getting.  And not the good kind of sick.  On Tuesday here in Clackamas, just a 10 minute drive from our house, there was a shooting at the Clackamas Town Center mall.  This is the mall that we usually go to! We love Clackamas! We love how the sidewalks sparkle! It's crazy to think that someone would come and start randomly shooting at our mall!  It's lucky that this happened on a Tuesday afternoon instead of a Friday night or Saturday because the mall is always extremely busy.  Our hearts go out to those families that were affected by this sad incident.

And then Newton, CT on Friday.  Oh my.  I can't even begin to imagine why anyone would go to an Elementary School to kill innocent children and teachers.  That is a sick sick crime and I was so heartbroken to hear about the massive amount of damage that was done.  I send my prayers to those families in that town, both to those that had losses and those that survived.  That is such a tragedy.

What is this world coming to?!

As far as us, we're doing ok.  The news of our negative results reached a breakdown last week.  We were fine until some LDS students in a club meeting at school with Dustin started complaining about how they were pregnant again and how they can't believe they have so many kids.  UGH.  Makes me so mad.  And then I started my period which is always that awful reminder that it really didn't work.  That we are still waiting and must continue to exercise patience and faith. 

I did meet with a family doctor this week to get testing done on my TSH again and see how that is doing and whether we need to change my dosage for my thyroid.  I'm still waiting on those test results, but hopefully we can start making progress. My insurance is changing next year, which I am SUPER happy about because I've hated my insurance.  We did get a ray of hope when I saw an EOB show up online from my insurance that looks like it will cover most of the first ginormous bill we received for bloodwork.  I'm talking about an $818 bill going down to $24.... HUGE DIFFERENCE!  I'm still waiting for an updated invoice to really feel in the clear, but it was a tender mercy and a little sunshine that we will make it through this and not become absolutely broke at the same time.

I probably won't have time to post again this next week so we wish you all a very Merry Christmas!  We look forward to 2013 and hope it brings happiness, peace and miracles!

Results

The results are in.  Thank you all for your prayers! We even heard that some people fasted for us! We really appreciate your love and we've felt your prayers.  After my freak out on Tuesday as I was getting ready for work on Wednesday, I really felt calm and that I would be okay with whatever the results would be.  My mom then flew in on Thursday to surprise my cousins and spend some time with us.  It was a busy weekend filled with a baptism, priesthood ordination, shopping, and lots of family fun!!  It was good to stay busy.

Also, I got to steal a baby. 

My aunt's sister's family from Spokane came down for the family filled weekend and they have a foster baby they are taking care of right now.  Little Peytin is 3 months old and so adorable.  And she LOVED me.  When I would hand her off to someone else, her eyes would follow me, wondering where I was going.  Stinking cute.

And then Monday was the test.  Unfortunately, the results came back as negative.  The IUI didn't take this month and we are not pregnant.  And we are both surprisingly fine with the results.  And I'm not saying that because I want you to think everything is hunky dory.  I wouldn't be afraid to write if things were terrible.  I blame all the prayers.  They may not have been answered as we had hoped, but they have provided a lot of peace and comfort.  We are honestly doing great.  Plus, a cold one always helps.

 December just isn't our month for pregnancies.  Two years ago I became pregnant on clomid and miscarried in December.  Last December is when miscarriage #2 was due. And this year we just have no dice.

I have no idea what the plan is now.  We will be taking a few months off to pay off the massive bills from all the testing that was done--- all which came back with normal results by the way.  Now THIS I am furious about (not about normal test results, but the massive bills).  My health insurance is the most worthless thing ever and is costing us terribly.    With all normal results on everything except my thyroid, I'd like to go to a regular doctor and follow up with him... so that it is in my network and can be covered by my insurance.  Seems like I should make sure that is in check before trying again, so I guess that's our plan.  Guess I do know what it is after all.  :)

Thank you again for your love and support.  Maybe next year we will have better luck and better news!

The Waiting Game

I think my life long lesson will always be patience... I guess with all the waiting I've done I still haven't reached a patience zen so here I am, waiting once again for something.  In this case I am waiting for next week's results.

I want this month to work

 So.

Freaking.

Bad.

And I'm afraid that it won't. I'm terrified that it won't work.  I'm freaking out that it won't work.  Or that it won't take or won't last.  And that all our money will be gone because we keep getting ginormous bills that I have no idea how we're going to pay. 

Not that the money is what is important here... it's the BABY.  I want a baby. I've wanted a baby since I was a baby.  And I've had to wait almost 27 years now to get one... if it works this month.  If not, the wait will continue for probably another couple years because we can't afford this again.  My emotions can't afford this again.  I am spent.

 

I hate the waiting game. The 2 weeks until you can pee on a stick.  In my case this month it's a blood test... hooray... i wish they had a frequent rewards card or something that would get the 10th blood test free.  Because I think I'd have at least 3 freebies by now.

*sigh*

And so we wait.  Hopefully the wait will end in a little miracle.   My little miracle.

I need a miracle.

Please keep praying for my miracle. 

Oregonian

Last week Dustin and I finally made the switch to Oregon drivers licenses and plates.  Our Utah plates expired at the end of this month so we grudgingly knew it was time.  Oregon makes you take the written test when you get an Oregon license and I hadn't taken that test in over 10 years!  So we did a little bit of studying and we both passed the test with flying colors.

Because we are officially Oregonians, I thought I'd write a few ways that I have become a true Oregonian:

• I like dogs.  I have always HATED dogs.  And now I like them.  I even want one.  Big dogs still scare me and I don't think I could ever have a big dog, but little puppies are so. freaking. cute.  A little terrier will be a part of our family hopefully in the next 5 years... when we have a house and the money for one!
• I am deficient in Vitamin D.  Curse you rain clouds!
• I use reusable grocery bags.  I'm so earth friendly.
• I like camping.  Everyone in Oregon likes camping.  Dustin and I had never been until this summer... and we went 3 times.  I love camping at the beach.  Maybe next summer we'll be more adventurous and do mountain camping.
• I buy local produce from our neighborhood farmer's market. We even participated in a summer long CSA.
• I hardly ever do my hair.  No one in Oregon ever cares what they look like. 

My heart will always belong to Utah, but for now, it is fun being an Oregonian!

IUI Update

Just thought I'd give some updates from my previous post.  I'm trying to blog more actively than letting it go and then never blogging because I have too much to write and don't know where to start.

Our mid cycle ultrasound showed that there are THREE follicles ripening very nicely.  My doctor informed us that that means we have a possibility of having TRIPLETS, but it's less than 1% of a chance.  She made sure we were aware of the possibility and asked if we would like to proceed knowing this information, to which I said YES.  3 follicles to me means that there are 3 chances of having at least 1 successful one.

My doctor also stressed the importance of getting my other blood work done about the recurrent miscarriages so we spent our Friday night doing blood work- 2 vials were done at my doctor visit because on the traumatizing day of 6 vials, the phlebotomist did the wrong size on some of them!  I then had 6 more vials done at the hospital that night for recurrent miscarriage diagnosis-- 8 vials in one evening! I got the results from some of my bloodwork on Monday and they are worried about varicilla.  Apparently I'm not immune to the chicken pox even though I had it as a child!  They said to go ahead with the insemination this month but if I do not get pregnant this month, then I'll need to get the vaccine and wait a month.  I also was low in my Vitamin D, which is not a surprise for living in Portland, but that's easy to fix with a supplement.

We decided to not do the HSG this month.  Between treatments and the DMV, we just don't have the funds this month.  Hopefully it works this first cycle and we won't have to do it at all!

My trigger shot was last night and this morning I got this:

So excited to see a smiley face!  That means the trigger shot worked and my insemination is scheduled for tomorrow!

Sometimes I wonder if I should feel weird about talking about insemination... cuz I don't feel weird.  I think it's because I'm talking about a medical procedure and not a hot steamy night that gets us pregnant.  Either way... in 2 weeks from tomorrow we will know if there is a baby Creer (or Creers) on the way!  I am excited and nervous and hoping and praying that it goes well!  We are basically putting all of our money and faith into this-- all chips are in!  I get scared that it won't work and that this will have been a waste.  I know that whatever the outcome is, it will be for a reason... I'm just hoping the outcome is what I want.  As easy as it is to say "it will be for a reason" right now, it will be VERY depressing.  Fingers have been crossed, prayers have been said, now all we can do is hope for the best!