A night at the symphony

Tonight we got free tickets from our friend Laurette Martin to the Utah Valley Symphony concert. It was so great! I've forgotten how much I love music! It was so refreshing to hear some good classical music. Our favorite piece was The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It was awesome. Made me miss playing piano. I should probably play our piano more than I do, but I've gotten lazy. What's that? I haven't mentioned that we bought a piano? Well, we did. Back in the beginning of November. And it's beautiful. A Yamaha digital. Fully weighted keys, full size Clavinova. Great addition to the family, but needs to be used more! I'm sure it will in due time.

Dustin was in a racquetball tournament at BYU last week and did okay. His singles matches weren't his best, but he made it to the semi finals in doubles! Nationals are coming quickly so he's trying to get in as much practice as he can!

Dustin has ordered his cap and gown so we are also nearing graduation! Don't you find it funny that you have to pay and fee and apply to get into school and then pay and fee and apply to get out of school? April 29th is the big day!

Our 2nd anniversary is on Monday!! Can't believe how fast it's gone by. I think that occasion is honorary of a post about our love story. i know that some people asked for it ages ago (meaning you Brittany Hoffman), so look for it soon! :) To celebrate our anniversary, we're going to Vegas and staying in the fabulous 5 star Trump Towers and seeing Phantom! So excited! The weather should be wonderful and it will be a great getaway! Only one week away! UVU, I love you for having a Spring Break!

Remember my recent posts about my love/hate relationship with my job? Well, I got the Accounting Employee of the month! Woot Woot! Maybe my hard work is paying off after all and getting some recognition! :)

Today was better.

Today was a better day at work. Just wanted to say that. Bubbles were blown for happiness.

Don't worry, daily posts will not be a frequent occurrence. Weekly, yes. Daily, no.

the power of blowing bubbles

I know I just posted yesterday, but I posted about work and how I'm grateful to have a job... but now I need to post the other half because today was a very frustrating day, and it's not been the first frustrating day at work lately....

There have been many times where I've wanted to just walk out of work and quit on the spot. Today was one of those times. We have been SWAMPED with work lately and are not staffed well enough to do our workload in the best time (and most accurately) as possible. I am overjoyed that we have lots of orders to be processing because obviously, that is what is good for the company. I just wish that they would let me hire someone else so that we can get our work done and stay caught up with everything. I hate the feeling of drowning and asking my team to work overtime if possible because I know that I don't want to be working overtime either.

As we've been rolling out new products and testing new things, it has made my job very frustrating because sometimes things aren't quite ready and I get to deal with the aftermath. Sometimes changes happen in our database that make my job more complicated or cause more work so I'm not able to spend the time with my team doing our extra work because I have extra work of my own to do.

I get so frustrated when we set policies and they aren't followed, and then we take no action to correct the problems. One of my many frustrations today, in short, is concerning a new policy that was set for the preview sales managers. Some didn't follow it. So they were fined. But then one guy, who isn't even their manager, after one sales guy complained to him about the fine, AGREED with him that the fine should be reversed. If we don't fine these guys, they'll never learn and they'll keep doing whatever the heck they wanna do, regardless of any kind of policies they are given. There have never been so many swear words floating around my mind as there were this afternoon. It frustrates me SO BADLY that people are given mercy for their laziness and inability to do their job correctly. So with one guy off the hook from his fine, that means that we have to let ALL the others off the hook because that's not fair to them. WHAT THE FREAK. I am sick of babysitting grown men to have them do their job correctly and then when it is clear to them how they should do their job, there is no consequence for doing things wrong. They are kindergarten teenagers who think they know how to do everything (that's the teenager part), but then bawl like a baby when there is a consequence for their bad behavior (that's the kindergarten side). It is frustrating to work with those kinds of people. Oh. so. frustrating.

Here's how I remedied the situation.... First, I had a good little chat with one of the sales managers giving me the most grief right now and we came to a good resolution, and he has promised me that he will communicate with me more so that I can help him do his job correctly. But he is clear on our policies now and will do it right, or he will be punished and he knows that.

Then I went into our AP group's office and they gave me chocolate to eat and bubbles to blow. It was amazing. I never knew that blowing bubbles could calm anyone down so well. I mean, I guess it makes sense because you are blowing out evil, angry air, but it was magic. I felt better after blowing bubbles. I think I need to get a large amount of bubbles at my desk while we fix the issues that are going on. I get angry a lot often. I'm sure a large part of it has to do with my personal life and the emotional/hormonal roller coaster I've been on lately, but it's just so frustrating to do my job sometimes.

I have set a goal to have a positive attitude and I am trying to work on it. I know that I won't always be perfect and that there will be bad days (like today) and good days (hopefully much more to come!). I want to be happy at work and I know that I can be because I have been. The frustrations won't always last. The issues will get resolved through (lots and lots of) communication. It's just frustrating sometimes and some days I just need to vent. Because my job isn't perfect and some days are just bad days.

And while days are bad days, I will blow bubbles. Lots and lots of bubbles.

Because I work

A little while ago, I was with some friends and we were talking about work. One of them commented on how they didn't know what they would do with their time if they didn't work. I laughed and quickly said that I knew TONS of things I would do with my days if I didn't work. So that week, I made a list of all the things I'd do, wrote up a schedule of my days, and felt like I could be so productive with my time without working.

So many things get put off around the house because when I get home from work, even though it's in a cubicle, I am so exhausted and just want to veg. So the bathroom, laundry, cleaning, organizing, decorating, exercising, etc. get put off for a "someday" when I have the energy.

Making up the list made me a little frustrated with my life. There are so many more things I want to do with my time that I just can't fit into a day. But then I decided that I'd be much happier if I started thinking about all the things I CAN do because I have a job. My list of things I CAN do doesn't include a lot of housework, but there are many every day things I need that I get because I work. My meager salary is much appreciated as it supplies most everything we buy at this time in our life. Not that people without a job don't have these things, but I don't know if we could really afford these things as well if I didn't have a job at this time. Things I can do or have because I work are included (but not limited to) in the following list:

Food, Gas for our cars, cell phone, buy presents (for ourselves and others), a car, eat out for date nights, plan and go on fun vacations, dream of buying a home and save for it, have health insurance, matching 401k, buy new clothes not from DI, buy nice furniture, etc.

The list could of course go on for quite some time. Those are just a couple of the things I could think of off the top of my head.

And I know that I won't always have to have a job, so for the time I do work out of my home, I will be grateful for my job and for the time I can work. And later, I can enjoy my "work free" days while the hubs brings home the bacon.

About Your Medication....

Clomiphene (KLOE-mi-feen) aka CLOMID

Common Uses: This medicine is a fertility agent used to stimulate ovuation in women who want to become pregnant. It may also be used to treat other conditions as determined by your doctor.

Possible Side Effects: that may go away during treatment (only may?!), include hot flashes, nausea, vomiting, breast tenderness, dizziness, lightheadedness, headache, or mood changes. Check with your doctor as soon as possible if you experience stomach or pelvic pain, bloating, or blurred vision.

Um... Doesn't this all just sound so fun? And exactly like being pregnant?! Maybe it's good practice. Mood changes is in bold as pretty sure that's been my most prevalent side effect. So if you've had contact with me this past week and I've been... angry, crazy, annoyed, or anything, don't worry, it's just the medication speaking. We'll see how it goes :) Wish us luck!

Been Busy...

So we thought last year was basically lame as mentioned in the previous post. But we are living this year and we've been busy!

The year started off with a great birthday getaway! Dustin booked us a night at the Armstrong Mansion in Salt Lake City. We started the night off at The Melting Pot for, as usual, the best fondue ever. It was a nice getaway to spend time with just the two of us. I needed that. Oh so much. The next day we went to the Lehi Trafalga for some laser tag and mini golf. Then some sushi and grill at Tepanyaki. The next day was my actual birthday where I got sung to in Primary and we had a great family dinner, followed by cheesecake and key lime pie. It was a great birthday and I am happy to put 24 in the past as I welcome 25 with arms wide open! I've always liked odd numbers better so I'm feeling good about this year :)

I started February out by spending a week in Boston working with one of our sales teams. It was good to see what goes on out there as I'm the manager in charge of processing all their paperwork. The days were long (typically 9 AM to 9 PM), and I didn't get to do any site seeing. I had a melt down the third day, but quickly resolved those issues with the team. It was a good week, but I was very happy to go home to my husband!

Other trips we are looking forward to this year are:

ARIZONA in April for Dustin. He is going to racquetball nationals with the UVU racquetball team!

CANCUN for 6 days, 5 nights in May after Dustin's graduation!

Portland at least once this summer to scope out housing options and jobs!

And last but not least, the BIG MOVE to Portland for Dustin to start grad school this fall!

We're very excited to this year and there are good things in store for us. :) We're keeping super busy as Dustin is finishing up his last undergrad semester and I am very busy keeping things under control at work.

Despite the busy-ness, I'm working on setting and completing goals each week, one which includes blogging so there should be more posts coming soon! I think I say that all the time, but I mean it this time guys. Hahahaha. If not on this blog, then I'll at least be posting more recipes on my recipe blog. Happy Readings!

The Story of My Life

The Story of my life could be summed up in one word: PATIENCE. This is something I've been needing to blog about for a while but I don't know if I just haven't been ready or if I still can't admit to myself that my life has issues and I'm not perfect. It's probably a combination of things, but here goes:

It all started out sophomore year of college. I got a father's blessing at the beginning of the school year as we typically do in my family, but this father's blessing let me know that there was something I needed to learn and work on: PATIENCE. It was repeated over and over and over again. Let's fast forward a bit (cuz I was being patient) to summer before senior year. Enter: Dustin. We started dating the summer of 2007 and by October of 2007 I knew that I wanted to marry this man. Again, we bring in the PATIENCE. Dustin and I dated off and on for the next while... I graduated from BYU, moved to Santa Barbara for the summer, came home, we got serious again (as we did off and on), and then Dustin broke up with me. I told him it was the final time. The only way I would ever be dating him again is if he came with a ring. Of course this devastated me because I KNEW that I was supposed to marry this kid. What was his problem?! We stayed friends (as we always did) and finally by October 2008, it clicked in Dustin's mind that this was right. Now, as I mentioned above, I knew a FULL YEAR earlier than he did. Most Utah Valley couples are married and have a CHILD in this amount of time. If that's not patience, I don't know what is! Dustin proposed December 23rd 2008 and we started our happily ever after March 14, 2009.

So then I thought that my days of PATIENCE were over. I'd learned my lesson, time for something new, right? Wrong. Of course. Dustin and I always knew that we didn't want to wait terribly long to start our family. So I was never on birth control. Didn't try to hard to stop anything, but nothing ever really happened so it wasn't a real issue. October 2009 we decided it was time to actually start trying to get pregnant. (what's up with us and October? Really don't know...) Month by month passed... no positive pregnancy test. By August 2010 I was really frustrated with this. I knew that if a couple has been trying for a year and not gotten pregnant, they are then classified as infertile. I never thought I'd have this issue as my parents were super fertile (unfortunately fertility is not a genetic trait for obvious reasons) and I've always had regular periods. I called my OBGYN as I was over due for a yearly exam anyway and he didn't sound very optimistic for me. I bawled my eyes out. Seriously devastated. We met with him in September and he let me know that he didn't think I was ovulating, therefore not getting pregnant so we were officially classified as INFERTILE. Hello PATIENCE, nice to have you back.

I never in a million trillion years would have thought that I would be infertile. It's still hard sometimes for me to accept. That there is something wrong with my body that goes against my divine nature. It's definitely hard to see everyone around me getting pregnant without even trying. It's hard to hear about 16 year old girls who get pregnant, women who beat/kill their babies, etc. I would be the best freaking mother in the world. Scratch that, I WILL be the best mother in the world.

So as with infertile couples go, we were told that I would do three months of clomid. If we didn't get pregnant in three months, then we'd do another three months (higher dosage?), and if THAT didn't work, then we'd do testing on Dustin's swimmers and a dye test to make sure there aren't any blockages in me. Three months at a time gave me a realistic time frame to not go crazy. I could take a three month outlook. But again, that's three more months of having PATIENCE.... waiting each month to see if we'll finally be lucky.

October was the first month and I felt like it went well. It seemed like my bbt were rising correctly, indicating ovulation, and therefore (hopefully) producing a baby. But it was a no go. November was the second month and I thought, man, this month should be a breeze, no concerns, I should ovulate on time, etc. Then it turned into MADNESS at work (as it has been lately) and I ovulated late, but then mid December we got this:

A positive. I knew I couldn't be crazy and reading it wrong since it said flat out "Pregnant." I was definitely shocked and it felt so surreal. Dustin and I were so excited and couldn't wait to tell our parents (because they knew we had been trying for so long and we wanted/needed their extra prayers!), so we did. We were making Christmas sugar cookies for piano recital and made a gingerbread mommy, gingerbread daddy, and gingerbread baby for both sets of our parents. It was adorable and so ME. (Dustin gets credit for the idea though, he came up with it). My parents got it right away and cried with me. Dustin's dad picked it right up but it took his mom a couple mins. She was just excited for cookies. Hahaha. When she got it, she screamed with excitement (as I thought she would) and was so so so excited. This would make her a grandma, first grandbaby for Dustin's side.

The next week was exciting and weird and I just wanted to tell everyone, but knew that I shouldn't yet. Which is a good thing. Because my lesson in PATIENCE was not quite over yet. A week after our positive, I started bleeding. Not good if you're supposed to be pregnant. I called my doc and he said I would need to get a blood test for my HCG level and then repeat the test in 48 hours to see if the level dropped. Which it did. I miscarried at 6 weeks. It was heart breaking because we'd waiting so long for that positive, but at the same time I was renewed with HOPE. Because we knew it was POSSIBLE. We could get pregnant.

When we were told I wasn't ovulating, I feared for the worst- that we'll never get pregnant. Ever. Because not all couples can. But this positive meant that we CAN get pregnant. We might need some help from the clomid, but it's a possibility for us. And that was a HUGE comfort. Maybe my lesson in PATIENCE will be a never ending one. There will always be trials coming along my way where I'll need to have more PATIENCE. But I am so grateful for experiences that give me HOPE. That my patience and faith and prayers are not in vain. Dustin's patriarchal blessing is very clear that we will be able to have children through our union when the time is right. So maybe the timing for us isn't right right now, and Heavenly Father just wanted me to know that it will be some time because it IS possible for us. I'm grateful for that lesson and my PATIENCE has a new friend called HOPE.

For so much time now I have been avoiding doing things because "we might get pregnant," and of course that still applies, we might indeed get pregnant, but I have learned that I need to live my life and enjoy it in the moment. We might get pregnant but we might not. When the timing is right, it will happen. But for now I'm just going to be happy with my life. I'm going to work at my job and appreciate that I can have a job that provides an income with benefits and flexibility at this point of my life. I'm going to go on my vacation to Cancun in May and not worry about the "what ifs" of the possibility of being pregnant. I'm going to be a good wife to my husband. I'm going to get my body healthy and in shape. I'm just going to LIVE because that's all I can do. I don't know what the next few months will bring, but I will be happy with whatever comes. Come what may and love it. And I will always work on my PATIENCE but put it with HOPE and HAPPINESS. Because that's what life is for. And that's how I want my life to be.