May Madness

May was a crazy month. I feel like I haven't posted in FOREVER, but it really hasn't been THAT long. We took our contract for our apartment off of the market cuz it wasn't really working out. More about that to be posted later. I did the flowers for Calista's wedding, so there were greater things to worry about at the time, so it ended up being a really GOOD thing. Calista's flowers and wedding turned out beautiful. We had some fun girl time together before too and it was great to see Andrea again!!

May was also Ginelle's graduation from Salem Hills High School. She is such a beautiful young woman and I'm excited for her to go to college and break some hearts. Graduation was on the football field of Salem Hills HS and it was great with sky divers bringing in the American flag and everything. We then had lunch at PF Changs which is always delicious.

Another crazy happening in May... I had a miscarriage. We didn't tell a lot of people and I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about it or not, but since this is practically my journal, I thought I might want to record my thoughts and feelings. It all started back with HCG.... remember how we were doing that in May? Well about two weeks in, some crazy things started happening. I read from Dr. Simeon's protocol that if you are pregnant, you will stop losing weight. Well, about day 10 or 13 (I don't remember which), I woke up after having the CRAZIEST dream. It involved Hawaii, my little sister being pregnant, my MOM being pregnant, and me throwing fruit at them cuz I was really mad about it. When I woke up, my first conscious thought of the day was, "I'm pregnant." I went and weighed myself and sure enough, I hadn't lost much weight at all... barely any from the day before. I had some spotting the week before but didn't think much of it, thought it might be a side effect of the HCG. So... with those thoughts and information, I decided that we would do an apple day (which boosts your weight loss) and see how it went... if that helped me lose some more or if I could possibly be pregnant. After the apple day, my weight didn't drop much again at all. I decided that I would stop taking the HCG drops so I could take a pregnancy test. I kept with the low calorie diet (as you're supposed to for 3 days) but stopped the drops. On day 3 of low calorie diet with no drops, I was CRAZY hormonal... fine and happy one second, bawling another. I said to Dustin that if I wasn't pregnant, then I was DEFINITELY crazy because I am never ever like that. After a good 5 days of no drops to be SURE that it was out of my system, I took a test (which was day 29 of my cycle) and it was negative. I was slightly devastated as I felt like i really must be crazy and making things up. After about another week (day 35 of my cycle which is a little late for me), I still hadn't started my period so I took another pregnancy test... again a negative. I was CRAZY EXHAUSTED, not just tired, but EXHAUSTED after sleeping for a good 8 hours or so. My lower back was also sore, and I craved salty foods. I seriously felt completely insane. I could swear I was pregnant but didn't have a positive pee stick test. I got to day 42, May 25th, Ginelle's graduation day, and I started bleeding. And I bleed a lot. I don't want to be too graphic, but there was a LOT of blood and tissue... changing a super plus tampon every hour or so. It was awful awful awful. My periods are never that heavy, nor do I ever cramp. Day 2 of this, I started cramping SO hard that I felt like puking. I tried lots of drugs and a rice bag and just laid on the couch in pain. So while I never had an official positive pregnancy test, i am calling this a miscarriage as this "period" was like the worst period I've ever had times ten. The bleeding was heavy and cramping continued for a couple days. I was SO glad that it started on Ginelle's graduation day (cuz I had work off that day), and that Calista's wedding was that week (cuz I had lots of time off to work on the flowers and such). I felt relieved to know that I wasn't as crazy as I thought I was for thinking I was pregnant. While it still wasn't pleasant, it was nice to at least have an answer. When it happened, I didn't even cry. I can't say now how I even felt cuz it seems like so long ago, but it was just.... weird. We are hoping to get pregnant soon and hopefully there are no more miscarriages. I really do believe that everything happens for a reason so I'm sure there was a good reason for why we would go through a miscarriage. I'm sure that when the timing is right, we will be blessed with the miracle of conception. Hahaha. But really, it is a miracle. All the same, we are moving on and keep trying. It just made for a crazy ending in May.

We ended the month of May by taking a 24 hour trip to St. George for some shopping and relaxing. It was just what we needed after the miscarriage and Calista's wedding. It was a great quick get away and we are already planning our next St. George trip, this time for a bit longer and to see Tarzan at the Tuachan. Fun fun fun!

I will post again soon about our apartment and how we'll be moving out soon and how that story of fate all played out. For now, I need to get some sleep! :)

Much loves,